I may do this sitcom, I may not, but please let me know you're honest thoughts. I should note I am ditching my usual style and going for cheese. It didn't work for Alan Partridge but it may work for me.
SCENE 1. POLICE STATION
JONNY IS AT THE RECEPTION OF THE POLICE STATION TALKING TO HIS SERGENT
SERGENT:
Right PC. Bent I need you to visit Mrs Jones, her husband died in a car
accident this morning she has to be told that her husband is dead.
JONNY:
Right.
SERGENT:
Remember Jonny. ‘Mrs Jones your husband is dead.'
JONNY:
Got it. (SAYS TO SELF) Mrs Jones your husband is dead)
JONNY TRAVELS TO MRS JONES. ALL THE WHILE SAYING OVER AND OVER TO HIMSELF ‘MRS JONES YOUR HUSBAND IS DEAD’
CUT TO:
SCENE 2. MRS JONE’S DOOR
JONNY RINGS MRS JONES DOORBELL
JONNY:
Mrs Jones?
MRS JONES:
Yes
JONNY:
Mrs Jones is your husband in (PAUSE) Shit!
CUT TO
SCENE 3. HIGH STREET
JONNY IS WALKING THE BEAT ALONG THE HIGH STREET HE SPOTS HOMELESS MIKE.
JONNY:
Homeless Man how are you today?
HOMELESS MAN:
Homeless
JONNY:
You crack me up you do. Actually the way mortgages are going you’re probably better off homeless but I bet checking your email is a bitch
HOMELESS MAN:
Yeah a big hairy bitch with balls but they’re putting up Wi-Fi here soon for the business park and I just got a shiny new knife.
JONNY:
Good for you.
A WOMAN RUNS UP TO JONNY
WOMAN:
Please help, help me! He’s collapsed!
JONNY FOLLOWS THE WOMAN
CUT TO:
SCENE 4. ROAD
JONNY AND THE WOMAN ARRIVE AT THE SCENE. THEY ARE LOOKING AT SOMETHING NOT SHOWN TO THE VIEWER
WOMAN:
I turned my back for a minute heard a screech and he just collapsed
THE ‘HE’ IN QUESTION BECOMES VISIBLE. A FLAT YORKSHIRE TERRIER WITH A TYRE MARK ON HIS BACK IS DEAD ON THE FLOOR
JONNY:
Erm I think he’s dead Madam.
WOMAN:
Are you sure officer can’t you try mouth to mouth
JONNY:
There are laws against that madam. I think this is an open and mutt case.
CUT TO:
SCENE 5. SERGENT’S OFFICE
SERGENT IS BERATING JONNY.
SERGENT:
First the incident with Mrs Jones and now this. PC Bent you are treading a fine line. Not only did you ridicule that poor woman after she died but you put on the report ‘Cause of Death: He was tyred!’
JONNY:
Well he was sir
SERGENT:
Don’t get smart with me son. I think you need reigning in. I’m giving you a new partner. Someone who will get the job done.
THE SERGENT TALKS INTO THE OFFICE COM
SERGENT:
Send her in
P.C. LAUREN SUMMERS WALKS INTO THE OFFICE
SEREGENT:
P.C. Summers meet P.C Bent
LAUREN:
Hi
JONNY:
Hello
SERGENT:
Now Jonny you will learn from PC Summers she’s one of our brightest recruits. She has 2 GCSEs
JONNY:
That is impressive.
SERGENT:
Now get out there and fight Crime
CUT TO:
SCENE 6. POLICE CAR
JONNY AND LAUREN ARE IN THE POLICE CAR
JONNY:
So 2 GCSEs? What were they in?
LAUREN:
An envelope, then I opened the envelope and my mum framed them. What are you’re qualifications
JONNY:
Wasn’t smart enough to join the Army. So what do you think of this area Lauren?
LAUREN:
Well its not very spacious and could do with leather seats. Can I ask what we do if we spot a crime going on?
JONNY:
Well if they have guns we run away but otherwise we radio in. Do you know how to use the radio?
LAUREN:
Yes, does it pick up Chris Moyles?
JONNY:
Its not a taxi service. That looks suspicious.
CUT TO:
SCENE 7. ROOFTOP
TINA IS STANDING ON THE EDGE OF A BUILDING. TIM IS TALKING TO HER. JONNY AND LAUREN ARRIVE AT THE ROOFTOP
LAUREN:
Don’t do it! I know what you’re going through
TINA:
You don’t know me, no-one knows me
JONNY:
I know you. Aren’t you Sharon’s sister
TINA:
Don’t label me! I have a name! Its Tina,Tina! Not Sharon’s sister!
JONNY:
I’ve been to the edge too Tina but once you get over it everything is much better. I mean that metaphorically Tina. Why don’t you come down?
LAUREN
Yeah Tina either way you’ll be coming down why don’t you make your mind up.
JONNY:
Lauren I don’t think Bucks Fizz is going to fix this.
TIM:
Tina your lunch break is over in a couple of minutes
JONNY:
How is that relevant?
TIM:
Well she has to come back to work
LAUREN:
She’s about to commit suicide and your worrying about lunch breaks?
TIM:
Suicide? That’s our designated smoking area. New Legislation to cut down work related fatalities yet they seem to have mysteriously risen since they came in.
JONNY:
Sorry about that we don’t really keep up with new laws.
