EXT. FOREST - NIGHT
BEAR GRYLLS stands over an improvised bed made out of tree stumps, bark and leaves.
BEAR
(out of breath for some reason)
So, that's gonna make a pretty decent home for the night, before I get on with the serious job of...surviving tomorrow. But for now, I've got my bed. I've got my dinner...
He points to a half-cooked snake carcass on a fire.
BEAR (Cont'd)
I'm all set.
(pause, then to cameraman)
Ok, we're done?
BEAR(V.O)
But little did I know, things were about to get a lot more complicated...
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT, NEARBY TOWN - NIGHT
Bear sits at a table, a WAITER approaches.
WAITER
I'm sorry sir, the chef informs me that we're out of the filet mignon.
BEAR
(turning to camera)
Ok, things are getting tough now, I've found myself in a pretty dangerous place here. But if you ever find yourself stuck like this, you just need to keep a calm head...
(to Waiter)
Do you know who I am? Can I speak to the manager?
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT, NEARBY TOWN - LATER
Bear in discussions with the Manager, filmed at a Dutch angle for some reason.
BEAR
...Ok, fair enough, thank you.
The Manager nods and walks off.
BEAR (Cont'd)
(to camera)
Ok, so they genuinely don't have any more filet mignon, fair enough, but through my cunning and resourcefulness, I just got a discount on the rack of lamb and 50% off the total bill. Remember, always think about your surroundings.
A rack of lamb is placed in front of him by the Waiter. He tucks in, eagerly.
BEAR (V.O)
It was good to get a decent meal, but little did I know what was to follow...
INT. HOTEL ROOM - LATER
Bear sits in front of the minibar, on the hotel phone.
BEAR
(down phone)
But, I was promised premium whiskey. All you've got here is a couple of cheap scotches.
(pause)
Can I bring in alcohol from outside the hotel?
(pause)
No? Ok then.
(back to camera)
Hold on guys, things are about to get dangerous.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. HOTEL - LATER
Bear walks up to the hotel, clutching a shopping bag, bottles clinking inside.
BEAR
Ok, this is serious now. I've got a couple of bottles of decent whiskey, but I know they're gonna be watching me in reception. So this is the sort of moment when you really need to dig deep and think outside the box.
Bear turns and shimmies up a drainpipe, back in through the window of his hotel room.
BEAR(V.O)
Somehow, even though the hotel room didn't have premium cable services, I made it through the night, only to then come face to face with my biggest challenge yet...
INT. AIRPORT, CHECK-IN DESK - DAY
Bear can be seen having an angry exchange with a check-in ASSISTANT.
BEAR
What do you mean no upgrades?! Do you know who I am?!
ASSISTANT
I'm sorry sir, but the flight is fully booked in all classes.
BEAR
(to camera)
So, I'm in a sticky situation here. A fourteen hour flight back to the UK so that I can get to a champagne reception at the Conservative party conference and appear on Jonathan Ross's talk show, and it looks like I'm stuck with business class! At times like this you've just got to dig deep and keep your eye out for any opportunity to survive.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. PLANE, FIRST CLASS CABIN - LATER
Bear sneaks along the first class cabin and spies an empty seat, jumping into it and turning to the camera.
BEAR
Ok, perfect. Now if whoever's seat this is comes back, just make a huge fuss at the stewardesses and threaten to sue the airline. That usually works.
Bear smiles and reclines back in his seat, victoriously.
BEAR(V.O)
Finally, I was able to relax, my survival assured for another three carefully-edited series.
The plane suddenly starts to buck and shake, other PASSENGERS start to panic.
PILOT(V.O)
Ladies and gentleman, we need to make an emergency landing on a small island directly underneath us. Please brace for impact, and if there's anyone who knows about surviving, now's a good time to make yourself known.
BEAR
Oh, for fu--
THE END
