INT. MARKETING BOARDROOM - DAY
A modern boardroom. Account managers SUSAN and PAUL sit across from JON, a junior researcher.
PAUL
Ok, now I don't think I need to spell out how important this morning's meeting is to Exposition Marketing. We land this pitch and we've got ourselves one of the biggest players in the shampoo business!
SUSAN
That's correct, you didn't need to spell any of that out. Now, Jon, as we all know, you're our researcher.
JON
Yep. Everyone in this room is already clear on my role in the company.
SUSAN
So, what have you got for us about shampoo?
JON
Ok, well, I've done some digging, got lots of juicy information, and I really think we need to go for the retro angle on this one. The 90s are really in right now.
SUSAN
Um, right. You've lost me a bit there, I'm afraid. I mean, shampoo's always been popular. Probably now more than ever.
JON
Not as popular as they were in the 90s. Specifically 1994, when they got to number 11 with their song "Trouble", which went on to be featured in the 1995 Power Rangers feature film--
SUSAN
Gonna stop you there, Jon. Did you do all your research for this presentation on Wikipedia again?
JON
Um, might have done, yeah.
SUSAN
And did you, while researching shampoo on Wikipedia, land on a disambiguation page and just click any old link?
JON
Um, well, I--
SUSAN
And have you, instead of investigating the popular hair cleaning product known as shampoo, spent the last week researching the short-lived mid-90s all-girl pop punk band of the same name?
JON
Ah...right, yeah. That's exactly what's happened. What am I like, eh?
PAUL
Well, please tell me you've done the research for this afternoon's client, the tattoo place?
JON
Yeah, done that. First thing you need to know is: they weren't actually lesbians.
PAUL
Excuse me?
JON
Yeah, I was as disappointed as you were, but it turns out it was all a transparently titillating act to sell their fairly derivative brand of Europop to impressionable teenage boys--
PAUL
Right, gonna have to stop you again, Jon. Did you just type 'tattoo' into Google and click the first link you found?
JON
I suppose so.
PAUL
And did you potentially mis-spell the word tattoo in your initial search, leading you to instead spend your time researching the controversial Russian pop duo t.A.T.u., a band whose name is a homophone of the word you were supposed to be looking at?
JON
No, I--Oh, yeah, you're right. That's exactly what I've done.
SUSAN
Right, I'm sorry Jon, but this has gone too far. We're gonna have to let you go.
JON
No, come on, please? I've made a few mistakes, but I need this job! You know my girlfriend's pregnant and we just put a deposit down on our first house!
PAUL
Yes, we were both fully aware of that, rendering all of that information unnecessary.
JON
Just...please, give me one last chance?
SUSAN
Ok, fine. I've got a big meeting next week to try and add a popular fruit-flavoured bottled soft drink brand to our portfolio. This lot are really on the ball, so I'm gonna need to know everything about them. Understood?
JON
Yep, absolutely, I'm your man. One stack of research on Oasis coming right up!
THE END
