Sceint copertist 14 - 22.7.17

Cool has-beans so congratulations to CRINDY for wanking. Your prize is to PM me with a subject for next wank please.
Hence:

Votes - Points - Name
3- 10 - Crindy
1 - 5 - Gappy

Your next subject is NATURE (chosen by Crindy).
Rules:
One entry/vote per person. Anyone can enter regardless of colour, sexual preferences or inside leg measurement, except Italo-US mongeese.
Can be a sketch, joke, lyric or anything else as long as it's yours and vaguely linked to the topic. Please try to post just your entry/vote.
You can edit your entry as much as you want, up until the closing time.

Competition closes: 22.7.17

Scoreboard is now:
Position - Points - Name
1 - 35 - Crindy
2 - 25 - Gappy
3 - 10 - me
4 - 5 - Patrick. Otterfox

1: [INTONED] A man and his twin brother stepped into a circlet of trees. He struck down his brother in sight of the trees. His brother's blood flowed from his blade, down to the roots of the trees. Nobody saw but the trees. There was no witness but the trees.

2: Don't think trees count as witnesses.

1: No, right. Can't see, yeah. Just big plants, aren't they? So, I guess nobody saw him, actually.

2: Right. So...how did you know?

1: About the...pardon?

2: How did you know about the twin murder?

1: Just...you know...mostly...[PUFFS AIR THROUGH TEETH]

2: Yeah, you're under arrest.

1: Can't really argue with that.

2: No.

1: Wait! It wasn't me, it was my twin brother, because he looks a lot like - ah, no, that doesn't work either, does it?

2: That really doesn't work. I'd stick to the murder, if I were you.

1: Yeah. I did do that OK, I guess.

2: Nobody can take that away from you. Oh, also: you're going to hang.

[This is one fo things I like about the Skit Comp (or Thrunk Spladge, or whatever it's called nowadays]. On Thursday night I listened to the new episode form The Pin - of whom it will surprise very few of you to hear I'm a fan - and I had this idea for a sketch in their voices; next day, I see the new theme, and it encourages me to spend 10 minutes typing it out. So, now we have it. not the greatest thing I ever wrote, but I'm glad to have had the nudge to create it anyway. So, thanks, Micheal. Oh, and just to confirm, none of this bit counts as my entry, it;s not funny. Except the word "entry", obviously. Heh, entry...]

EXT. NEW MEXICO DESERT - DAY

Amidst the arid landscape, two WHIPTAIL LIZARDS stand on top of a sand dune.

LIZARD 1
So, anyway, then she was all like "That is so my grasshopper! I caught it with my tongue!" and I was all like "No way! I, like, totally saw it first and everything!" and she was all like "Listen, honey, with those thighs, maybe lay off the grasshoppers for a bit!" She's a total bitch.

LIZARD 2
That is, like, so crazy!

LIZARD 1
I know, right? I'm totally freezing her out of the group. She's always looking at me funny as well. I think she's, like, a dyke or something.

LIZARD 2
Well, we all are, babe.

LIZARD 1
Like, what is that supposed to mean?

LIZARD 2
Well, y'know, we're, like, a female-only species of lizard? There's literally no guys here.

LIZARD 1
God, I know. You wanna go hang out at the water hole, see if there's any over there?

LIZARD 2
No, babe, I don't mean there's literally no guys, I mean, like, there's literally no guys.

LIZARD 1
Literally?

LIZARD 2
Literally literally. Like, how is this even news to you? Did your mom never have the talk with you?

LIZARD 1
What talk?

LIZARD 2
Like, you know, the birds and the birds talk?

LIZARD 1
Ugh, no! Gross! I'd, like, have died of embarrassment. My mom's so weird.

LIZARD 2
But, like, she's just like you, babe.

LIZARD 1
She is so not just like me.

LIZARD 2
She, like, literally is you. We reproduce by, like, parthenogenesis or some weird shit, so our offspring are, like, genetic clones of ourselves, or whatever.

LIZARD 1
Literally?

LIZARD 2
Totally literally. Like, literally times by literally a billion or something.

LIZARD 1
That is totally crazy.

LIZARD 2
Totally.

LIZARD 1
So, like, what d'ya wanna do now?

LIZARD 2
I dunno, babe. You wanna do it?

LIZARD 1
Ugh, what? That's, like, totally not my scene.

LIZARD 2
It's the only scene there is, babe. I, like, saw a movie about it once and everything.

LIZARD 1
You, like, watched a lesbian porno? Gross!

LIZARD 2
We just call it a porno, babe.

LIZARD 1
Whatevs. Ugh, here come our moms. Let's just, like, go to the water hole.

The two lizards set off down the slope. LIZARD 1'S MOM and LIZARD 2'S MOM walk up to the top of the dune.

LIZARD 1'S MOM
You be careful out there, young lady! You're not an apex predator, remember?

LIZARD 1
God, shut up mom! You're so embarrassing! We are so not identical genetic copies of each other!

Lizard 1 and Lizard 2 disappear down the dune. Lizard 1's Mom and Lizard 2's Mom watch them go.

LIZARD 1'S MOM
Ugh. My daughter is, like, literally the worst.

LIZARD 2'S MOM
Literally.

LIZARD 1's MOM
Totally.

THE END

Errr.......Crindy.

Well, gappy gets my vote.

Guess we call this one a score draw and move on. Another great subject choice from yours truly.

Quote: Crindy @ 23rd July 2017, 4:32 PM

Well, gappy gets my vote.

Guess we call this one a score draw and move on. Another great subject choice from yours truly.

View original

I don't think it was the fault of the theme, the comp always fluctuates. I'm also sure at least one more person will cast a vote before Michael closes the boks on this one, so there's all to play for. Except that we've done all our playing already. But, you know...go team.

Grate stuff. I'm on holiday in etc. The Internet: taking all the fun out of stalking.
Gappy by a white pube.

Quote: Crindy @ 23rd July 2017, 4:32 PM

Another great subject choice from yours truly.

View original

Nothing wrong with the subject Crindy - a perfectly wide open subject.

I was away over the weekend and to be honest i don't feel ever so funny at the moment. Though my wife says i still look funny...

Anyway i vote Crindy by half a width of Michaels pubic hair...