INT. BANK - DAY
A BANK MANAGER sits opposite MR JONES, well groomed, blond, wearing a necktie.
BANK MANAGER
Right then, Mr Jones. I just have a few questions about this business loan application. This is the seventh loan you've requested from this very bank?
MR JONES
That's right.
BANK MANAGER
And all of your previous loans are still outstanding.
MR JONES
Outstanding, eh? Well, thanks very much.
A burst of unconvincing canned laughter fills the air.
BANK MANAGER
What was that?
MR JONES
Oh, that? It comes and goes.
BANK MANAGER
Ok...Well, we're just a little concerned about what you're using this vast amount of unpaid capital for. Can you tell me a bit more about this business of yours?
MR JONES
Well, it's me, my friends and a dog. And we basically drive around the country hunting for supernatural entities.
BANK MANAGER
Did you say 'supernatural entities'?
MR JONES
Yeah, you know. Ghosts, ghouls, zombies, that sort of thing.
BANK MANAGER
I see. Actually, I don't see. What does that actually entail, from a business perspective?
MR JONES
Well, just last week, we drove to Mr Stevens's old funfair. The one just out of town?
BANK MANAGER
I think I know what Mr Stevens's old funfair is. It's the ninth old funfair on the right on your way out of town.
MR JONES
Well, anyway, we'd heard rumours that there was a ghost in the hall of mirrors, so we investigated.
BANK MANAGER
And did you find a ghost?
MR JONES
Yes!
BANK MANAGER
Oh. Really?
MR JONES
Well...no. It turned out to be Mr Stevens wearing a sheet over his head. But it looked really convincing for the most part.
BANK MANAGER
I see. Well, did you at least get paid?
MR JONES
Oh no, we don't charge.
BANK MANAGER
You're asking for a loan to fund a business that doesn't actually charge clients for services rendered?
MR JONES
No. I'm asking for my seventh loan to fund a business that doesn't actually charge clients for services rendered!
Another burst of over-the-top canned laughter.
BANK MANAGER
That's really off-putting, isn't it?
MR JONES
Yeah, I think we'll drop it from now on. So, anyway, the loan?
BANK MANAGER
Mr Jones, can I ask you: How many have you actually found?
MR JONES
What do you mean?
BANK MANAGER
You know. Ghosts, ghouls, zombies, how many genuine incidents of supernatural phenomena in major tourist attractions across the country have you and your team unearthed?
MR JONES
Are we excluding incidents of supernatural phenomena that turned out to be just owners and/or employees of said major tourist attractions wearing unconvincing costumes?
BANK MANAGER
Yes, we are excluding those.
MR JONES
Ah. So, zero, I guess.
BANK MANAGER
So, you don't get paid for your work, you don't appear to have any business strategy whatsoever, according to the form you've filled in, you also don't appear to have any assets at all beyond a garishly-painted van and a stash of a so-called 'snack' that I'm going to assume is slang for some sort of narcotic, and over the course of nearly half a century of searching, you have failed to uncover a single example of the supernatural phenomena you claim to be investigating?
MR JONES
Did I mention that the dog can talk?
BANK MANAGER
Several times. I put that down to the narcotics.
MR JONES
Well, ok, but apart from all that, can we have another loan?
BANK MANAGER
I'm afraid not, Mr Jones. I'm going to have to decline your application. Now, if you'll excuse me, my next appointment is here.
MR JONES
(sighing)
Fair enough.
Mr Jones exits disconsolately. A second CUSTOMER walks in and sits down. The Bank Manager picks up another file from the desk.
BANK MANAGER
Right. Now I've been looking over your car insurance application, and I do have a few questions for you, Mr Dastardly...
THE END
But I vote gappy. Good idea, well executed. 