INT. GARAGE - NIGHT
COLIN(1) stands in front of a mysterious box, covered in buttons and blinking lights. Just before he presses a big red button, there is a FLASH of light and COLIN(2) stands next to him.
COLIN(2)
No! Stop! Don't do it!
COLIN(1)
Who are you?
COLIN(2)
I'm you, from the future! I've come back to warn you: For the love of all humanity, don't press that button!
COLIN(1)
So...it works? My time machine works??
COLIN(2)
Yes, it works. How else do you think I got here? But I implore you, I beg you, don't use it!
COLIN(1)
Why not?
COLIN(2)
Because I know what happens! You start jumping through time, meddling with the past, disrupting the future! It all goes wrong! In my future, the world is a charred, barren, hellish, post-apocalyptic wasteland! Nothing survives! Well, expect for Milton Keynes, that's pretty much the same as it always was.
COLIN(1)
You idiot!
COLIN(2)
What? I'm here to warn you! I'm being nice! Didn't mum always say we should do more for others? Has she said that yet?
COLIN(1)
But have you not heard of causal loops? If I don't use the time machine now, because of your warning, then I'll never have been able to come back in time to give myself the warning in the first place, so I'll end up using the time machine!
COLIN(2)
Oh. Oops. Ah, hang on, I think I can fix this!
Another FLASH. COLIN(3) appears.
COLIN(3)
Ah, perfect!
(to Colin(2))
Listen, I'm here from your future, to warn you not to go back to the past to warn yourself not to travel through time! It sets up a horrible paradox from which there's no escape.
COLIN(2)
Great! Message received! I won't be doing that anytime soon!
COLIN(1)
You've already done that! You're here!
COLIN(2)
Ah, but I only come back to the past in the future, so now I'll remember not to bother.
COLIN(1)
But you're already here in the present! What bit of that aren't you getting?
Another FLASH. COLIN(4) appears.
COLIN(4)
(to Colin(3))
Listen, me, don't bother with that whole plan to warn yourself not to travel back and warn yourself not to travel through time, it's not going to work.
COLIN(3)
Bit late for that.
COLIN(2)
(to Colin(1))
Ah, hang on, I've had an idea! What if I travel back and warn myself not to come back here to warn myself not to come back here?
COLIN(1)
You've already done that! You're over there!
COLIN(4)
Hi! I'm not late am I?
COLIN(2)
You're a bit early, actually. I'd only had the plan after you'd already arrived.
COLIN(4)
Whoopsie. Must have forgotten to re-calibrate for daylight savings.
COLIN(3)
Easy mistake.
COLIN(1)
Look, this is getting me nowhere! And I still don't think we're grasping the core concept of the paradox we're establishing.
Another flash. COLIN(5) appears.
COLIN(5)
Ok, bear with me, this may look like the same plan that hasn't worked three times before--
COLIN(3)
I've got it! What if I go back--
COLIN(1)
It's the same plan that hasn't worked three times before!
COLIN(5)
Ah, no, because this time...oh actually, yeah, it is, isn't it?
COLIN(3)
Can't blame a guy for trying!
COLIN(1)
Great! So now, I've got no choice but to trigger the end of civilisation by using my time machine, because otherwise, how can I possibly come back in time to warn myself not to come back through time to warn myself not to come back through time to warn myself not to come back through time to warn myself not to use the time machine?
COLIN(5)
Tsk. Mondays, eh?
COLIN(4)
Hang on, I think I've figured out how to solve this whole paradox!
Another FLASH. COLIN(6) appears.
COLIN(6)
Problem solved guys, I just killed our grandfather!
The universe EXPLODES.
THE END
