Newsjack Oneliner Rejects.

Here's some rejected oneliners I wrote for Newsjack. Any feedback would be appreciated.

BREAKING NEWS:

Investors plans to put to put money into independent savers accounts following uncertainty over Trump's presidency foiled by Trump's own plans to destroy Isas

Reckitt Benckiser, the business that owns Durex, plans to acquire a manufacturer of baby formula. Asked if they were confident in the move they replied "We're so confident, we've already made holes in all our condoms."

Teenagers are set to be trained in cyber security. Parents are saying they're (sarcastic) "So glad because their kids aren't already spending enough time on computers."

NUMBER CRUNCHING

10 million: Number of wind powered pumps physicists wish to use to refreeze the arctic.
10 million: Packs of slushy mix they intend to use to achieve this.

52: Labour members who Jeremy Corbyn let off with a warning after they refused to follow the three line whip
177: Labour members who were good boys and girls and were rewarded with some nice pots of gooseberry jam.

50 million: Pounds worth of cocaine found on Norfolk beach.
50: Police officers who appeared to have colds that day, or at least they were sniffing and wiping their noses a lot.

First one has potential (ISAs/ISIS) but is a bit too wordy and could be constructed better maybe

Second one doesn't work at all as a joke - I've obviously missed something, explain please?

Third one could work, but if you're quoting the parents they wouldn't say "their kids" they'd say "our kids" (sorry for the nitpick)

Fourth one lost me - can you explain it?

Fifth one would be better if you replaced the pointless "gooseberry jam" with something that punned off "three line whip"

Sixth one - maybe a bit too obvious, the "Keith Richards" one on the same theme one they broadcast was better I guess

Sorry if this seems too negative but there's no point just telling you everything is brilliant. Maybe I've missed some subtle elements - happy to be proved wrong! Cheers - Mike X