That time of year again... (any thoughts on how far off the mark appreciated)
DEAL FOR BRITAIN (unsuccessful Newsjack sketch)
ANGELA/INTRO:
Theresa May has publically stated that she wants a 'Hard Brexit' even before negotiations with the EU have begun, which is a bit like going to a used car dealer and saying "Here's all my money, mate - please give me any old thing to get around in that's better than a pair of smelly old trainers - but I'll settle for the trainers'. No worries though because the Prime Minister has gone to Washington D.C. to cut a deal with President Trump...
FX: JET TOUCHING DOWN
AIDE #1: Welcome to the White House, Prime Minister.
MAY: Thank you.
AIDE #2: President Trump will be here shortly but he asked us to brief you first on the transaction.
MAY: Transaction?
AIDE #1: Don't worry-
AIDE #2: We're both fully-qualified licensed real estate agents.
AIDE #1: I helped develop the Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City.
AIDE #2: And I once sold a house to Brad Pitt.
AIDE #1: So we're here to help sketch out the basic outline of the deal for Britain.
AIDE #2: President Trump is very interested in your country.
MAY: I am glad to hear it. I propose we eliminate tariffs on-
AIDE #1: But let's be honest - it's a fixer-upper.
AIDE #2: It looks like it hasn't been properly maintained in years.
AIDE #1: He's going to have to put in a lot of his own money towards upgrades-
AIDE #2: If he's to stand any chance of flipping it later.
AIDE #1 For example, the plumbing is terrible.
AIDE #2: Why can't you limeys ever get that right?
AIDE #1: The foundation is also a big concern.
AIDE #2: Because it's so shaky.
AIDE #1: And there are huge problems with the attic.
AIDE #2: That means Scotland.
MAY: Well, you're right there. But no - I cannot sell off the United Kingdom no matter how dire our
circumstance.
AIDE #2: Really? I doubt you'll get a better offer anywhere else.
AIDE #1: And you don't want it sitting on the market forever.
AIDE #2: Or 'outside the market' forever.
AIDE #1: What if Trump throws in two weeks vacation for you and Philip at his Palm Beach resort every winter?
BEAT.
AIDE #2: Plus five hundred dollars in spa credit.
MAY: Done.
END
