*doorbell*
J.C:
Hi, I'm here about the decking you wanted doing?
Customer:
Jesus Christ!
J.C:
Yeah that's right.
Customer:
Great, great. Come in, I'll pop the kettle on!
J.C:
Thanks...
*they both stand in the garden holding a cuppa, accessing the area for the new decking*
Customer:
So how long have you been in the carpentry game then?
J.C:
Quite a while, I took a bit of time of but y'know it's something I thought I'd get back into.
Customer:
Have you had many jobs around here?
J.C:
No, I haven't really done anything since I was back in Nazareth.
Customer:
That's just outside Burley isn't it?
J.C:
Uuuuh, yeah I think so...
Customer:
Are you still in the religious trade?
J.C:
I dabble.
*they both take a sip of their tea*
J.C:
Oh did I already mention, during construction, I tend to use glue rather than nails?
Customer:
Oh yeah, perfectly understandable... Oh speaking of which, Margret, the wife, she suffers from a bit of stigmata occasionally.
J.C:
Really?
Customer:
Not stigmata, I mean cystitis!
J.C:
Oh ok, yeah that makes more sense.
*customer downs his tea*
Customer:
Did you want another one?
*J.C nods*
*several hours later*
*customer returns to see the completed work*
Customer:
What's this?
J.C:
Is it not right?
Customer:
Well it's not what I had in mind.
J.C:
I can change it, if you want?
Customer:
I'm not sure it would do much good. Is this an ark?
J.C:
Yes, is that not right?
Customer:
No, I said an arch, like a frame to go over the steps on the decking.
J.C:
Oh. Right. Sorry!
Customer:
That's fine.
J.C:
I did think it strange that you asked for an ark but then I did notice you had a pond.
Customer:
I mean it would be a shame to deconstruct it.
J.C:
Do you have two of every animal?
Customer:
We've got a cat and a dog?
J.C:
It's a start?
Customer:
Yeah...
J.C:
I suppose I could call my Dad, see if he's planning on wiping out the human race again?
Customer:
If you wouldn't mind? But we're having a BBQ on Saturday, hence the decking. So if he could make it Sunday?
J.C:
He doesn't work Sundays.
Customer:
Oh yeah. Well Monday's fine for me too. But I still should probably have a word with the wife?
J.C:
Oh of course, I can take it back with me for now, I'll just have to rearrange my donkey around.
Customer:
If that's okay.
J.C:
I'll have to take it through the house, to the front door, is that okay?
Customer:
Yeah that's fine, if you wouldn't mind taking your sandals off?
J.C:
Yeah of course.