Skit Comp 14 - 22.4.16

Phwoarsome stuff again so congratulations to OTTERFOX and GAPPY for winking. PM me with a subject apiss for next wank please.
Hence:

Votes - Points - Name
2 - 10 - Gappy, Otterfox
1 - 5 - Tiggy, Scratchy
Special mention: Stylee

Your next subject is ANTS (suggested by Gappy)... I get blowjobs off all my uncles' wives. I get ants in me pants.

Rules:
One entry/vote per person. Anyone can enter regardless of colour, sexual preferences or inside leg measurement, except Spanish geese.
Can be a sketch, joke, lyric or anything else as long as it's yours and vaguely linked to the topic. Please try to post just your entry/vote.
You can edit your entry as much as you want, up until the closing time.

Competition closes: 22.4.16

Scoreboard is now:
Position - Points - Name
1 - 45 - Gappy
2 - 25 - James
3 - 20 - Tiggy
4 - 15 - Stylee Ting Ting
5 - 10 - Otterfox, me
6 - 5 - Playfull, Scratchyr

AUNT AND DECKED

PSYCHIATRIST'S STUDY.
PSYCHIATRIST and PATIENT.

PATIENT Good AUNTernoon, psychiAUNTrist. I'm AUNTony CAUNT and I wAUNTed to recAUNT my situAUNTion.

PSYCHIATRIST Yerse.

PATIENT I cAUN'T - AUNTually, shAUN'T AUNT wAUN'T - be AUNTIEsocial or AUNTIEpathetic or a twAUNT. But I'm dAUNTed, hAUNTed and distrAUNTed since I encAUNTed a gAUNT, elegAUNT, AUNTerprising womAUNT.

PSYCHIATRIST Yerse.

PATIENT She flAUNTs her extravagAUNTs in AUNTbundAUNTS on the dAUNTs floor; plAUNTs her bAUNTIE in an AUNTonomous glAUNTS; and enchAUNTS my AUNTire existAUNTs with her tits.

PSYCHIATRIST Yerse.

PATIENT GrAUNTed, you AUNT AUNTIEgonistic to tAUNTalising AUNTIEtheses, cAUN'T he fAUNT-hAUNTIEd in AUNTalysis and mustAUNT be flippAUNT bAUNT AUNTrepid.

PSYCHIATRIST Yerse, I see the problem.

PATIENT GAUNTzooks, AUNT you jAUNTIE, mAUNTSie AUNT eloquAUNT?

PSYCHIATRIST Yerse, you're obsessed. With - your mother. Typical bloody man.

PATIENT Caunt.

1: Hi. Is this the University of Oxford? Looks like it. So, how do I go about naming a new species?

2: Erm, well, I'm, not really the right person to-

1: Yeah, great, we can sort out the subtleties later. I want to register a new species of ant. And [Chuckles] it's brilliant actually, because I've named it after Brian Wilson out of The Beach Boys.

2: I was actually just about to start my lunch so -

1: Yeah, it's a fire ant. Which is cool, because Brian Wilson totally wore a fireman's hat. That once. Also, the ant lives only in sand and a sandpit is where Brian Wilson went mental, and, like other fire ants it communicates by tapping the ground with its feet and picking up the "good vibrations".

2: I'm not certain I really-

1: I've called it Solenopsis Brianwilsonoutofthebeachboysii. What do I sign to get that official?

2: Look, it's not me that manages this, but to name a new species at the very least you'll need to supply a specimen.

1: Oh. That will be hard. I've not found it yet.

2: You've not found it?

1: Yeah, I don't know for certain it exists. But I thought it was worth booking the name first, and then double checking.

2: Hmmm. I can't believe I'm asking this, but, why don't you find a new species first, and then name it?

1: Because, if I did that I'd probably find an ant with a black head that makes it look like it's wearing a crappy hat, and then I'd have to call it Myrmicinae Thelatesirterrypratchettii. And all the new animals are named after bleeding Terry Pratchett. Terry Pratchett and ancient Greeks -do scientists just read the same two books over and over again, eh? Lazy buggers.

2: Well, good luck on your incredibly specific search.

1: Ha! Well, it's not just Solenopsis Brianwilsonoutofthebeachboysii I'm seeking, for your information. I'm also looking for a witchetty grub named after W B Yeats, which can be found in Sligo, or maybe Byzantium, a Birmingham-based salamander that looks like Benny from Crossroads, and an aardvark called Andy McNabb which lives on helicopters.

2: Best get moving, then; don't want anyone else to find your fire ant first, and name it after The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown, do you?

1: No, I do not! I shall catch the next plane to Kokomo!

2: Brian Wilson wasn't on that one.

1: Oh. Right. Never mind, Solenopsis Mikelovethecompletebastardoutofthebeachboysii would do just as well.

Well...

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 23rd April 2016, 10:51 AM BST

Well...

View original

Yes, let's assume we voted for each other: anyone else want to throw in any opinions?

Sorry if I picked a hard theme again, it gets dificult trying to think of things that are interesting, open and have not been done before.

My mother is interesting and very open but done before.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 23rd April 2016, 11:08 AM BST

My mother is interesting and very open but done before.

View original

I've been on holiday.

Gappi