Newsjack 2016 Page 14

Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ 23rd February 2016, 11:33 AM GMT

Every time I looked at that story my brain repeated, "Not pun that pun. Not that pun. Not that pun." I hope (and assume) you didn't go for THAT pun.

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You'll be happy to know I gleefully did that pun. JOKES I DID NOT SEND on the other hand:

Scientists name new tiny sea snail after Mohammed Ali, because it floats likes a butterfly and swims like a bee

A study that shows maths standards are lower than in the 60's but higher than in the 90's proves that maths skill really are dropping

After proving that Hitler did in fact only have one ball historians have shown London bridge is falling down, falling down, and that Old Mother Hubbard did in fact live in a cupboard

And

Pope calls for death penalties to be hung for a year

Feel like I had a much better week of it this week

Quote: swerytd @ 23rd February 2016, 2:40 PM GMT

Comedy gold...

Dan

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Yep I too mined the 40,000 die of air pollution for a cheap laugh. And the EU referendum. Although I avoided the Dark Side of the Moon one, even I have limits. (Cheeky smile to DbM)

Quote: StephenM @ 23rd February 2016, 4:35 PM GMT

Yep I too mined the 40,000 die of air pollution for a cheap laugh. And the EU referendum. Although I avoided the Dark Side of the Moon one, even I have limits. (Cheeky smile to DbM)

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Oh we all know what depths you'll mine for a cheap laugh. We have all heard the Nazi penis joke you wrote for Wired News

Wrote one sketch about Louis Van Gaal blaming Murphys Law for the loss and 6 one liners. A couple on EU, one on Harper Lee, Kalamazoo shootings...

Didn't send anything this week, literally had no time and thought I'd have some midnight inspiration last night but alas fell asleep, so a bit sad now :

Good luck all.

Quote: Shandonbelle @ 23rd February 2016, 5:11 PM GMT

Didn't send anything this week, literally had no time and thought I'd have some midnight inspiration last night but alas fell asleep, so a bit sad now :

Good luck all.

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I sometimes scribble stray thoughts on a notepad at 3 o clock in the morning. Most times it's a pile of trash, but occasionally there is a juicy nugget in there.

I get the sad feeling; it's nice to have that weekly expectation, no matter how delusional! I'm sure you'll be back next week

I have a midnight scribble pad too, but last time I scribbled two thoughts over each other, and ended up with an incomprehensible mess. Usually I actually have to fully write a sketch before it's incomprehensible.

Glad to see that Ed is submitting to this series.

Good to see I'm not the only one with a bedside notepad habit!

I've got one too, and I woke up one morning not so long ago to the sentence

'Two midgets in a washing machine'...

Answers on a postcard...?!?!

J x

Quote: GoWithIt @ 24th February 2016, 11:03 PM GMT

I've got one too, and I woke up one morning not so long ago to the sentence

'Two midgets in a washing machine'...

Answers on a postcard...?!?!

J x

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"Aren't you worried that we'll drown?"
"Nah"
"Why not?"
"Cos she only ever does a short wash"

My wife put a pair of long Johns on a very hot wash and ended up with two midgets in the washing machine.

Quote: GoWithIt @ 24th February 2016, 11:03 PM GMT

I've got one too, and I woke up one morning not so long ago to the sentence

'Two midgets in a washing machine'...

Answers on a postcard...?!?!

J x

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Comedy shorts.

Last night's sketches at the recording are as follows:

- Four EU Referendum ones ("The Brexorcist", Cameron and Boris' parents talking while their kids are playing school football, an advert for a Brexit Yakhult yoghurt, Rival cabin crew arguing over the direction the plane was going).
- Aussie zoo-keeper sacked for putting clothes on different animals
- Advert for Canadian army's green weapons
- Wall & bridge builders discuss if they're true Christians
- Excited upper-middle class lady meets Cameron (Obama meeting 106yr old lady parody)
- Fakery Prevention Centre filled with imposters
- Realistic Mary Poppins
- A youth going on holiday with his parents in Hellmund province
- Straight croissant/ lazy customers (buying pre-peeled bananas etc.)
- A daughter tries to convince her dying mother to stay alive a bit longer so they can avoid the Death tax for a bit and go on holiday
- People on other planets complaining about Galactic Tourism
- Eastenders/Archers mash up
- Only Fools and Hipsters (BBC bringing back old sitcoms parody)
- Clarkson's PA negotiating his Amazon budget for abusing people.

If any of those are you, well done! I had a one-liner read out (about meningitis, naturally), so left feeling pretty good about myself.

Ha! Comedy Shorts

Bugger! I've not got a sketch on this week then.

Well done for your oneliner!

Thank you for listing them, at least now I won't be waiting and hoping all day! Unless I can get a cheeky oneliner in! Hope springs eternal!

J x