A sketch

THE INTERVIEW

Meet MARY, sometimes her nerves get the better of her . . .

INT. SMALL OFFICE-DAY

MARY is being interviewed by a MAN for a position at the company. They are sat either side of a large wooden desk. As we join them they are both laughing heartily at something that’s just been said.

MAN

Well Mary, you really sound like you’ve got what it takes to fly high at Fisk and Fshhhh.

MARY

Well that’s kind of you to say.

MARY
(V.O-ECHO)
I cant believe how well this is going.

MAN

Yes indeed, and by the sounds of things, youre more than qualified for the position, in fact, youre more than qualified for my position!

They laugh.

MARY

Well I really feel that Fisk and Fshhhh is the right place for me.

MARY
(V.O-ECHO)
I really cannot believe how well this is going, Im usually terrible at interviews! Come on girly, just don’t let the old nerves get the better of you, and this jobs in the bag!

Theres a knock at the door and a woman enters.

JUDY

Sorry to interrupt, but Sarahs arrived to see you.

MAN

Not at all Judy, I think were about done here. By the by, this is Mary, I think youre going to be seeing a lot more of her at Fisk and Fshhhh.

JUDY

Hi Mary, pleased to me-

MARY, quick as a flash, draws a gun and shoots her. JUDY falls to the ground dead, a silence descends. We cut between JUDY on the floor, the MAN, then MARY, then back around once more before-

MAN
(GRAVELY)
Well let you know.

MARY stands meekly.

MARY

Ok. Thanks. Ill just-thanks-right . . .

MARY steps over JUDY and exits.

THE END

Ive been on this site for a while, so thought Id finally put up a sketch up for you to tear apart!! Let me know what you think . . .

I like (I've seen your stuff on Comedy Soup too.)

Only 2 crits.

The opening line about "meet Mary" is in truth exposition. The reader should get that info from the dialogue and actions. Maybe have Mary shaking a cup of tea in its saucer slightly to indicate nerves instead. The VOs already neatly supply the nerves explanation for that physical action.

Perhaps have Mary shoot before the new woman or the boss can even speak. Avoid the knock on the door. Maybe Mary hears the door creak, dives to the floor, pulls the gun and shoots the incomer. It'll make it shorter, more shocking, and cuts a few lines of dialogue that don't add much to the sketch.

And perhaps avoid cliches like "quick as a flash" This is more important in books but I think script readers would be aware of their useage.

Thanks for the comments, in truth that first line, 'Meet mary. . .', isnt in the actual sketch, Ive just e-mailed this to a producer and he wanted a line at the top of each as a quick bit of info on the character. Oh, and ive enjoyed your stuff on soup, and your vids are a lot better put together than mine are at the moment!

Hi Matthew
I wish producers would be consistent with what they want eh? Sometimes I think they say these things to justify their paychecks. Sorry about the exposition point, as it's irrelevant given the circumstance.

Thanks for the comments. I like the idea behind your moustaches btw. It is a great trademark / branding idea. Got a myspace or youtube account?

I was a bit surprised the soup people started mentioning the moustaches! I just think its funny to have rubbish card and felt tip facial hair as opposed to more professional looking make up! I have gone the whole hog with one character not only having a 'tache, but a fully drawn carbaord hair piece sellotped to my head! I havent got a myspace yet, but have put stuff on youtube, though so far only the few vids that are all ready on soup and which, if im honest, Im a little embarresed about! I keep telling myself Ill spend more time on them, then rushing through it and posting what are, really, pretty shoddily acted and shot pieces! Determined to try and craft the next few entrants for the Shuffle thing a bit better so Ill actually stand a chance of getting through! Good luck with the vids youve entered.

Cheers, same to you. I was gutted to miss out on the masterclass they held.

I remember the cardboard hairpiece, it's a great example of taking an original basic idea to the comic extreme. The vibe i got from the Comedy Soup comments were that they too liked it and thought it worth pointing out in case viewers didn't 'get' it. It's never too early to consider a 'brand' and i think you've already nailed yours. Do you film all your stuff by yourself?

Let me know your youtube (ours is slaggbros) and we can swap links to each other if you want.

Mines youtube/mvstott, ill make sure to try and swap links. I do film everything myself which is why, if you watch them, theyve been fairly basic so far! This has been through necessity as I dont have anyone willing to help me at the moment!! Though I suppose it means Im in complete control and dont have to deal with others trying to offer their 'great ideas' . . . Are you and SLAGB planning on putting up any more vids for the Shuffle? I hope to do another three or four I think, ive got a few cheese, baker and ham related ideas that I think are quite good; and Ill make sure to try and get some cardboard hair in some of them!

Yep, we're going to put another batch up, all our sketches tend to be short anyway, although i need to re-edit some of the earlier ones to get them under 60 seconds. Some of them are 5 seconds over.

Looks like I'm probably in a minority here, but I felt pretty let down by that. It started off well, and I was expecting a good joke and hearty laugh, but the ending, IMO, was too far removed from the tone which had been set. We'd "got" that Mary was nervous, but pulling out a gun and shooting someone fits more in line with psychopathic rage than the lack of self-confidence that had been portrayed until that point.
If I saw or heard it, I'd just be left thinking "What the f**k...?".

Well I think the whole point of the sketch is that she does something so sudden and so extreme, so over the toply extreme, to exaggerrate the effect of her nerves. Its not supposed to be psychopathic, and I really dont think it comes across as such, its over the top, extreme and just silly, especially as the bosses reaction is so underplayed. Its a woman, whos generally nervous but thinks shes managing to keep calm and give a good interview, whose nerves suddenly explode out in a ridiculous manner. I would say it was the clashing of tones, as you suggest is evident in the sketch, from where all of the humour is derived.

To have her just end the sketch by saying something silly or embarrasing in a catherine tate way and therefore blowing the interview would just be dull and unimaginative and in the end boringly predictable.

I think it works if you remove the "Meet Mary" bit - then we are prepared for her to be anything, and the outcome is fair enough. I'd be with SlagA and leave out the descriptive "Meet Mary"

Hi badge, the 'meet mary' bit isnt actually in the sketch, it was just a little character description that a producer wanted at the top of each sketch. Glad you seemed to like it.

A gun does seem a bit of an extreme jump, if you started off with a lesser and more surreal weapon you could have a series of people coming in to find out what the commotion is only to be met with an escalating arsenal.

I find the Bolas is a much under-used comedy weapon. Although I admit, comedy actresses who can act, sing AND bring down a Zebra from 400 yards with just a couple of balls and some rope are very hard to find.

Nice idea, Shoe Pie.

to me it seems quite random, in the way, Judy dosn't provoke that reaction from mary, i'm not suggesting much, just a little competitive remark from judy, or even a sarcastic quip, but apart from that, "sal good"