Young Village Maid seeks advice from Old Wise Woman.
FLORRIE: You know thee told me 'if I went to bed with a skylark under my pillow on the third Sunday before Candlemass, the first man I saw upon the morrow would be my one true love'?
OLD PEGGATTY: Aye?
FLORRIE: It didn't work...
OLD PEGGATTY: Are you sure it was a skylark you was using? Let me have a look at him...Ooh?
FLORRIE: You told me it was a skylark when I bought it off ee...
OLD PEGGATTY: ... Ah, yes, on close inspection, that is a skylark! Tricky to tell when they be all squishy. They be easily mistaken for a Meadow Pipit. 'A meadow pipit placed in the toe of your boot on the second early closing before Maunday Thursday, will cure Laundry Maids Limp'... Or was it cause it...? A Crested Grebe on the private parts on the first Eurolottery draw of Lent will cease the spread of a S.T.I...
FLORRIE: If someone's seen coming out of your premises with a grebe shaped lump on the gusset, there's little chance of them achieving congress... Which one is ' Candlemass' again?
OLD PEGGATTY: It's the mass with all the candles... unless the Verger hasn't paid the 'lecky bill again. So you followed all my advice in every particular?
FLORRIE : Aye!
OLD PEGGATTY: Placed the little fella under your pillow at home?
FLORRIE: Aye!
OLD PEGGATTY: Well, there's the problem, you're not gonna meet your one true love, waking up at home, next to your Husband .