gappy
Monday 10th August 2015 2:12pm [Edited]
Oxford
2,696 posts
BOSS: Alright, troops, the shit's gone down and the balloon's gone up, although possibly not in that order: the Hanover Group are threatening to stop underwriting us following the publication of last quarter's figures. So I need ideas, people. It's all good, let's just brainstorm, throw anything at me, and we'll add it to the pot.
JEANETTE: Dragons.
BOSS: [Pause] Care to elaborate, Jeanette?
JEANETTE: Well, you know, I'm out loud on my feet here, but dragons.
STEVE: What about them?
JEANETTE: Some. Of them. Of dragons.
BOSS: Yes, right, so who's got any other -
JEANETTE: Hey, why aren't you writing that down for the pot? I want my idea in the pot!
STEVE: I'm not sure it's really a viable concept, Jeanette.
BOSS: Of course it's not a viable concept! It's not a concept at all, it's just a noun. You can't just say "Dragons" and expect us to change investment practice. I mean, dragons sounds like a pretty terrible start for a fiscal review policy, but at the least sketch out the rudiments of an actual strategy.
JEANETTE: I don't know! You can't expect me to come up with every finely tuned detail on the spot. Why don't one of you run with it.
STEVE: Run with it? Where to, Honah Lee? You can't come into an exec meeting, say "dragons" and just sit back, that's not a thing.
BOSS: It's literally not a thing. At least if you'd said "crayfish" or "monotremes" we'd have a head start in reality. I need better ideas.
JEANETTE: But you said "it's all good".
BOSS: Well, it looks as though you've tested that rule to breaking point, Jeanette.
JEANETTE: Oh, this is unfair! It's just like last week when we were discussing the Wallingberg account. "There's no such thing as a bad thought," you said, and yet when poor old Jeanette joins in, suddenly that's up the swanny.
STEVE: But it was a bad thought!
BOSS: The Chinese are sub-human monkeys? That was definitely a bad thought. The thought was inherently bad.
STEVE: You shouldn't even be having that thought long enough for us to be able to rate it at all, to be honest.
JEANETTE: Right! I think I know a witch-hunt when I see one. You need a patsy for the recent stock plummet, I get it. I'm no business dummy, I see that it's going to be me. Fine, but I want 12 month's salary to keep my mouth shut, and all the biros I can carry. Goodbye!
[SFX: Door slam]
BOSS: Thank God for that, I thought she'd never go. So, any little ideas before we wrap up?
STEVE: How about dragons?
BOSS: Nice idea, Steve. And what shall we do with them?
STEVE: We could send them to eat those filthy Chinese chimps.
BOSS: Someone just got promoted!