My comedy debut is next week. How is this material?
My stand-up debut
I've no idea if you've a gig coming up, but that's brilliant you're a great performer I hope you find an outlet.
About the only change is maybe mix up the format and add a little narrative, like you did with the omlette video so it feels like it's going somewhere.
that's meant to be a winky face
thanks!
There's so much that's right about that little set, one might argue that it needs no improvement - if what you have there is exactly what you're aiming for.
The naivety of the material is commendable and very funny but I can't help wanting to 'improve' it by making it and you appear just a little more imaginative.
For example:
"Why didn't the cat go on the roller coaster" would in my view improve considerably if it were "Why didn't the Lion King go on the roller coaster?"
You misquote Roy Scheider with "We're . . ." and several other sources do the same but the correct quote is "You're . . ." The correct quote is actually far better material for you as it's very much funnier if the remark is directed at his wife who's buying a jacket for herself. You could end the joke with ". . . and that's why she's not speaking to him."
The 'former American president' joke is okay but, as hardly anybody in the world has ever heard of the man in question, it might be better to make it "Which of the Beatles . . ."
Having said all that, I see enormous potential in you so please feel free to keep doing it your way rather than mine if your way is the way you really want to go.
You've got your character so note perfect, I'm now intrigued in how much you are like him....
First off, do you not have anywhere to hang clothes?
Secondly, the act seems good. How much stumbling will depend on the reaction of the audience. Just go with the flow.
Good luck with the show/ironing.
Absolutely love it 
I agree with Sooty that once you've got the character established you could vary the types of jokes you fumble, or find new ways to mangle them, but for now your delivery is bang on.
I also think "I'm going to make my stand-up debut next week, an I check if these jokes are funny" would be a cracking way to open an actual set.
Good work.
I thought this was pretty funny. Saying that, I think the old "standup tells bad jokes badly" angle has been done before.
It's a good start though and you've got a handle on what's funny.
Quote: gappy @ 27th June 2015, 11:06 AM BSTI also think "I'm going to make my stand-up debut next week, an I check if these jokes are funny" would be a cracking way to open an actual set.
And this is an excellent idea.
Enjoyed it. Agree with most of the above - I like Gappy's opening.
Good Luck with the gig.
genius, good luck with it
I liked the character, I'm sure the jokes will improve as you do a few gigs
I disagree with Rood Eye though - it works better as a cat and not the lion king. Plus with the president and hairiest kid, I've never heard of that president either but the beatles don't have a name that suggests a hairy child
Quote: Davey Jay @ 27th June 2015, 3:10 PM BST. with the president and hairiest kid, I've never heard of that president either but the beatles don't have a name that suggests a hairy child.
Let's have a look at that joke.
Q. Which former US president had the hairiest child?
A. William Henry Harrison.
Now, unless my memory is playing the most appalling tricks on me, I'm pretty sure The Beatles had a member with that same surname.
Harrison (Hairy son).
Get it?
I agree with Stylee. All the hesitating and stumbling becomes irritating after a while. Your videos, like the unemployed one, are marvellous. Throw in a Robert de Niro! I think you're destined for fame.
Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 28th June 2015, 9:43 PM BST'Nervous' comedian + 'poor' gags = seen it so many times.
Indeed we've seen it many many times.
Having said that, we've also seen 'young men with guitars' + 'songs your parents think are absolute crap' quite a few times too.
Most of those young men were rubbish but we also saw Elvis, The Beatles, Bob Dylan and a few others too that did it rather better than most of the rest.
Likewise, Shane is a lot more talented than 99.9% of wannabe funnymen on YouTube and on Internet comedy forums.
He's a potential star and, if there's any justice, he'll be discovered and prove me right.
Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 28th June 2015, 10:25 PM BSTIt's never been about 'how good you are'. It's about 'who you know' and always will be.
There's a lot of truth in that but if TV bosses feel this guy will attract viewers, they'll book him.
Regardless of his talent, I feel he has an endearing quality a great many people will love and, if I'm right, that will translate into viewing figures and ultimately into money for the TV bosses.