[Presentation is in progress at some sort of business event; let's say it's a conference, because that's the theme this week. STAN is before a projector image consisting of neatly laid out, complex charts and tables in front of a small lectern. Business or trainee types sitting neatly in front of him, listening intently and taking notes ]
STAN: So, if we apply these models, as you can see it is simplicity itself to conclude that the long-range hurricane forecast allows us to advise our fictional developers that construction work in the atoll in 2017 carries only a minor risk. It's simple when you know how - it' all there in math and white [chuckle].
[Light applause from crowd]
Lovely. Does anyone have any questions, before we move on? Yes?
ATTENDEE: Yes, I just wondered whether you might have not put quite enough emphasis on tidal effects. Could you please explain the tool you used to calculate the-
[CLARICE bundles in to the room, carrying sheaves of scruffy notes]
CLARICE: Afternoon, all!
STAN: [Chilly] Oh. Hello, Clarice. Ladies and gentlemen, my...colleague, Clarice.
CLARICE: Wotcha. Sorry I'm late, Stan.
STAN: Hmmm. Well, I was just running through the McFarlane Development assessment we carried out, for the benefit of the class, and this young man had a question.
ATTENDEE: Oh, err, yes. I was thinking about the tidal repercussions.
CLARICE: Brilliant, son, brilliant. I mean, you know, pointless too, but well done for having a go.
STAN: [Strained] Really, Clarice? Do you detect a flaw in the evidence you've not actually heard?
CLARICE: Hah. Don't need to. Bring up one of your formulae, chummy, and I'll blow it up its own bumhole with my new risk management tool.
STAN: [Embarassed] Ah...yes. Clarice here is taking demonstrating Edward de Bono's theory of the 6 thinking hats. Here she is, adding to the discussion by...err...wearing the...
CLARICE: The bumhole hat, yeah; as in, shove it up your. So, chop chop, get your tidal data up there, Stan, like the lad asked.
STAN: Well, here it is, we did discuss it earlier. You know - before you arrived.
[Clicks laptop and new graphs are projected]
CLARICE: Cool, I got that. So, now add B to the formula.
STAN: B?
CLARICE: Yep.
STAN: Add it where, Clarice?
CLARICE: Anywhere you like. At the start, round the back, up the bum junction, it's all the same to me. Because, ladies and gents, B is my discovery that will revolutionise risk management procedures! And all the other prediction type things.
STAN: And what, pray tell, is B?
CLARICE: B represents the probability that one will be hit by a bus tomorrow.
ATTENDEE: Pardon me, miss - how do you calculate this variable?
CLARICE: Don't talk soft. It's not a variable, it's a constant; and it's "might".
STAN: Might?
CLARICE: Yep. In all cases, when wondering whether you'll be hit by a bus tomorrow, the answer is you might. Be hit. So why worry about other stuff?
STAN: [Under breath] Clarice, I'm warning you.
CLARICE: No, seriously guys, think about it - put on your de Bono bumhole hat and give it a spin round the old cranium: with a few exceptions - that are probably of negligible statistical value -everyone might be hit by a bus. Tomorrow.
STAN: And that is utterly immaterial to the question at hand.
CLARICE: Dwarfingly immaterial. You definitely might be hit by a bus tomorrow. So just add B to all your risk tables and that. Boom!
[CLARICE gets out a vast black marker and just scrawls B across the entire projector screen]
Plus B!!
STAN: -Oh.
CLAIRCE: Bus! You! Tomorrow! Might! I rest my case.
[Audience applauds wildly]
STAN: Now, settle down, please ladies and gentlemen, I think Clarice is trying to point out that-
CLARICE: Point out your bum. It's all about the B. It just came to me when I was eating a Maverick bar on the bus: pow! Powsers trousers! Data? Hmmm. Bus? Yeah! Sorted. So, I suggest a celebratory afternoon down the pub, who's with me?
[Audience cheers]
STAN: I really feel we should move on to module 7.
CLARICE: Yeah, you would, Stan. But everyone else, pub, yeah?
[Cheers ring round the room. CLARICE stands up, and all the attendees group behind her. She opens and steps out of the door. We see a blur, and hear a scream and the sound of a speeding intercity train going down the corridor. Silence. ATTENDEE raises his hand, holding a sheet of calculations]
STAN: Well...I didn't expect that to happen.
ATTENDEE: I did - do I get extra credit?
