Man And Horse (short cartoon)

Hi All

Another quickie: https://youtu.be/rwXiEtD3AzM . Written by Sean Leahy (https://twitter.com/thepunningman). Animation and voices by me.

Looking forward to any thoughts on the script, performance, look, sound and anything else.

Best Wishes
Yacob

The animations great and so are the voices (are they all still you?)

But the joke I dunno it just doesn't seem to hang together and the swearing doesn't add much.

Thanks Sootyj. Yes, animation and voices are by me.

I'm not particularly big on swearing. I liked the idea of a horse flippantly dropping the f-bomb in this case. Maybe that's just me.

Hopefully other people than me like the joke. And if it is just me, I hope people will like the joke(s) in the next thing I do.

I liked it.
I liked the look of it.
I liked the horse saying f**k off the first time.
I liked the fact that the horse was in his house.
I liked that split-second thinking time before smiling at "they have water there".

I didn't like the last scene, it felt spelt out, and there was nothing left to offer but another rude word. Perhaps if after the horse looks excited about water, the guy could say "Well, this mission is basically accomplished" or something. I reckon people could extrapolate what will happen.

Quote: gappy @ 25th May 2015, 10:38 AM BST

I liked it.
I liked the look of it.
I liked the horse saying f**k off the first time.
I liked the fact that the horse was in his house.
I liked that split-second thinking time before smiling at "they have water there".

I didn't like the last scene, it felt spelt out, and there was nothing left to offer but another rude word. Perhaps if after the horse looks excited about water, the guy could say "Well, this mission is basically accomplished" or something. I reckon people could extrapolate what will happen.

View original

Do you get that the joke is that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink? (just checking)

Another good animation. I didn't feel the joke was good enough to be the only joke, it's more of a throw away one. But overall still enjoyed it.

Where are you accepting these submissions for jokes , and is any one welcome to submit one?

Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ 26th May 2015, 10:25 AM BST

Do you get that the joke is that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink? (just checking)

View original

Yes. But I worked that out as soon as he said "they've got water" - I was wondering whether you could make a reference to the horse getting there and not drinking without making the effort of cutting ato a whole new scene, because it felt to me as though you were driving the joke home at that point.

Good joke, mind, I really liked the film.

Great animations as always.The joke was not something I would have expected you would have taken on considering your other videos, they are usually more clever jokes that have a tendency to go over peoples heads but this one, I think could get you a wider audience and doesn't need thinking about.

thought it was great and I think you will find this is very commercial as in a lot of people will like it,
I agree that the joke was obvious and you could see it happening hours before it did, butthat's the level that gets success, and it was funny.
I hate swearing in jokes, practically when the swearword is the bit you need to laugh at but I'm just me and millions of other won't care.

Well done I finish product in my book and a God one at that!

Quote: Lee @ 26th May 2015, 10:37 AM BST

Another good animation. I didn't feel the joke was good enough to be the only joke, it's more of a throw away one. But overall still enjoyed it.

Where are you accepting these submissions for jokes , and is any one welcome to submit one?

View original

Thanks Lee. If I see a script I like and I think I could animate it I ask the person if I can make it. You can post things in critique (or elsewhere) if you want me to take look. They may not be my kind of thing though (a lot of things aren't).

I've been surprised at how much good comedy is on twitter.

Quote: gappy @ 26th May 2015, 10:49 AM BST

Yes. But I worked that out as soon as he said "they've got water" - I was wondering whether you could make a reference to the horse getting there and not drinking without making the effort of cutting ato a whole new scene, because it felt to me as though you were driving the joke home at that point.

Good joke, mind, I really liked the film.

View original

Thanks for clarifying, Gappy.

Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ 26th May 2015, 11:11 AM BST

Great animations as always.The joke was not something I would have expected you would have taken on considering your other videos, they are usually more clever jokes that have a tendency to go over peoples heads but this one, I think could get you a wider audience and doesn't need thinking about.

View original

Thanks Carlos. Actually I thought the joke was rather clever (but yes I could VERY well be in the minority here).

Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ 26th May 2015, 3:11 PM BST

thought it was great and I think you will find this is very commercial as in a lot of people will like it,
I agree that the joke was obvious and you could see it happening hours before it did, butthat's the level that gets success, and it was funny.
I hate swearing in jokes, practically when the swearword is the bit you need to laugh at but I'm just me and millions of other won't care.

Well done I finish product in my book and a God one at that!

View original

Thanks FunyHaha. The video has over 90 views so far (for me that's viral! Oh god, what a sad life I lead )

Yeah, I'm a bit iffy on swearing. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I really don't. Maybe swearing in this one was a bad idea. Hmmm. To me a horse nonchalantly swearing at something reasonable is funny because you can't get mad at the horse in return because it's so much bigger and stronger than you are.

What in god's name am I blathering on about!?

I rather liked the gag and thought the nonchalant swear was funny. It was like a Gary Larson cartoon with swears.

The animation is okay, but I can't help but think the characters look a little generic. I dunno, maybe they need a bit more detail to stand out.

Thanks Ben. Happy to hear criticism of the look. I guess as it's so short I wanted to keep the look fairly generic.

Is there anything in particular you would've liked to have seen on the characters? More shading? More colours? Completely different designs altogether? Did it look too Family Guy-esque?

Maybe it's something indefinable but thought I'd ask. I'll change things up in the next cartoon I do.

Swearing is not big or it's not clever but it will get you shit loads more views, I would like to see tits next I like how you keep them short that is very important and I like how you are trying out different writers to go with your animations.

Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ 26th May 2015, 8:55 PM BST

Thanks Ben. Happy to hear criticism of the look. I guess as it's so short I wanted to keep the look fairly generic.

Is there anything in particular you would've liked to have seen on the characters? More shading? More colours? Completely different designs altogether? Did it look too Family Guy-esque?

Maybe it's something indefinable but thought I'd ask. I'll change things up in the next cartoon I do.

View original

I kind of felt they looked a little too much like something from a "How to draw a cartoon man/horse" guide. You know, that kind of stock cartoon character.

They need something unique to mark them out as being a Yacob Wingnut creation. Maybe some extra detail as the large eyes and nondescript features leave them feeling a little plain.

Maybe others (who are more artistic that I) can help or say that I'm wrong.

The floor's open.

I like his art style, looks very British to me, reminds me of those CITV cartoons I used to watch in the 90s.