Heed The Children In Need

This is for a Children In Need concert. Is it shite?

A table lies at the front of the stage, on which a number of empty baked beans cans lie. Man 1 sits behind the table, counting out a number of notes and coins. Man 2 enters wearing a short sleeved shirt and jeans, and rubs himself vigorously with a towel.

Man 2
I hate Baked Bean baths; the tomato sauce gets into your pores.

Man 2 spreads out his arms.

Man 2
Do I look orange to you?

Man 1
There is a slight ginge tinge, yes.

Man 2
Ah, never mind, I got the money. Where am I going to send it?

Man 1 is staring at the bottom of one of the bean cans.

Man 1
Did you know that this was made in Indonesia?

Man 2
In Indonesia? That's ridiculous.

Man 1
Look here.

He looks.

Man 2
Oh my God.

Man 1
It must be cheaper to...grow the beans there.

Man 2
Oh my God, I've been bathing in the blood of the workers.

Man 1
Oh, don't be silly.

Man 2
It's slave labour, it's got to be. Oh, this brings my ethical equation right down. I'm immoral again. I should be boycotting this.

Man 1
What help is that going to do? If they don't make money then they up sticks and move on. Do you think the workers have choice in employment?

Man 2
Maybe..maybe I should send the money over there.

Man 1
Yeah, straight to the company. It's education that these people need, a decent education system.

Man 2
Are you asking me to finance a government?

Man 1
No, the organisation sends a joint sum.

Man 2
Ahh..I don't like working in a team.

Man 1
Christ's sake.

Man 1 gets up to picks up the cans and exits while Man 2 sits down, draws out a piece of paper and a pen and begins to write a letter. He speaks as he writes.

Man 2
Dear Indonesia. Sorry to hear about the education problems. Please accept the enclosed..

He licks pen.

Man 2
Book tokens.

I'm liking this. It reads well. It's gentle enough humour for any audience (not much future in upsetting folks at a charity event!) and yet retains something of itself that isn't apologising, if you can dig it? Nice one!

Ah, thankyou very much. Yes, my first inclination was to 'fight da power' and write something truly savage, but then I realised that it was a worthy cause that didn't deserve savaging.

I liked it and agree with the gentle comment but thought that it was so gentle that there weren't enough peaks of humour.

The writing flowed quite nicely as it got into it but it didn't get me laughing. But I like the concept.

Top notch cinnamon, but don't stop now. There's more to be mined from this sketch. What about a whole series of ethical man/charity challenge sketches, where every time the bloke finds his effort was 'ethically pointless'.

Well written + good idea. Nice one.

Yeah, I agree.

I think you're on to something here. It reminded me of a Big Train outtake sketch where a cancer charity has to deal with a cure for cancer having been been found. There's a lot of potential in this, keep going with it.

Thankamayou all. I will search for further ethical quandaries.