I was asked for a sample to write copy promoting a "man mug" made from stainless steel
So I thought I'll write this. And I felt it should be presevred for the ages like Jane Eyre or summat.
The 5 worst things about the man mug
You know what the worst thing about the mug is?
It cost me my marriage because unlike my wife, I always like putting my lips on it.
I'm going broke because I keep visiting the dentist.
Because I love having the feel of stainless steel on my lips and he charges me extra for drinking beer whilst he examines my teeth.
I only do it because when he sticks a speculum in my mouth and I drink out of my mug it's like a threesome and I'm that kinky.
My wife is packing her bags, we went to a Planet Hollywood and she caught me kissing a model of the Terminator.
Damn I can't resist that surgical steel. I'd have said I was sorry but I was drinking beer out of my man mug.
The only place that could keep my beer colder would be my exes heart.
She left and she took my man mug with her. I tried drinking out of a mug made out of ice, but it wasn't good enough, nothing else is good enough.
I now live in Antarctica, all I've got left is a surgical steel speculum, 3 toe because of frost bite and a case of beer.
At least the beer is cold and if I suck the speculum whilst I drink it I can pretend I'm still drinking out of my man mug.
When a polar bear inevtiably finds my drunken. stiffening carcases devours it, except for the speculum and perhaps my one remaining toe. I hope my shrew of an exwife will respect my wishes and agree to bury my remains in my man mug topped up with a beer.
Some chance, just like me she's no doubt hooked on drinking refreshing beer from cool surgical steel.
And that's my revenge.