Hi all,
As a lorry driver I get lots of time whilst driving to think up ideas for jokes and general comedy. Here's a few ideas I got just today whilst on a 9 hour drive back up the M1. I would appreaciate any comments, good or bad and won't take offence if you are too critical. Thanks.
Dunstable
They say Kent is the garden of England, if this is so, then Dunstable is definitely the sewage pipe. Really, I was parked up on the high street for 45 minutes and witnessed more thuggery and lawlessness in 45 minutes than in five 80’s action films. A scruffy looking girl with, I presume her boyfriend, but could easily have been her customer or pimp appears from this dark alley and after standing on the corner for 10 minutes comes over to where I’m parked and offers me a make up set, to TREAT my wife with. I’m sure my wife would have been thrilled with a Morgan make up set, that I bought off some lowlife on the street for a fiver. Now if we went to the department store at the weekend and spent 4 times that amount on the exact same thing, I’m sure she’d be over the moon.
M69
If anyone has been on the M1 around the midlands area, have you noticed the signs for the M69. I wonder if this motorway finishes in Cockermouth.
Foot & Mouth
I heard this week that there are more outbreaks of F & M in surrey. How do they test for this, I always imagine 2 men with beards and clipboards going round each cow and saying something like, “OK, now for the first cow, foot?” “check 4 of” “and mouth?” “check 1 of”
Trains
Why are trains the only mode of transport where technology has gone backwards. They used to be reliable, comfortable even luxurious, but now they are cramped, dirty and the amazing thing is, we pay the same amount for standing, sometimes unable to move an inch, as the bloke sat down at the table reading his paper in relative comfort, that was lucky enough to get on at the stop just before yours. The best you can hope for whilst in this crush, is a pair of large breasts being thrust under your chin, but at the other end of the scale is the pervert rubbing his cock between your arse cheeks and you can’t do anything about it. This problem is mainly a British thing though, in some countries their trains go hundreds of miles an hour without even touching the rails; they hover above them. We can’t even get ours to run properly ON the rails if it’s the wrong snow, wrong leaves. The only time our trains leave the rails, is when a team of railway workers clock off for the day and forget to put everything back as it was.
