The Launderette | Web Series Sitcom Feedback

Hello Everyone,

I am writing to enquire about the possibility of getting some feedback on a webseries sitcom I have recently created entitled The Launderette.

The show itself was created by myself (Liam Walsh) and colleague Rachel Wyatt, on a budget of £1,000, taking about two months to complete. The webseries sitcom itself revolves around Alex and Sam, two twenty-somethings who must battle the weird and wonderful customers at their Launderette.

Here is a link to the first (pilot) episode https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysvkloR326E

We really are just looking for some feedback here and would like to know peoples views and opinions?

Many thanks,

Liam Walsh

Ok first off hardly anyone's going to watch 20 minutes of anything on YouTube.
Put together a show reel of the best bits.
It's well put together but the script is a bit too on the nose, there's no guessing. And all too often it feels like your characters are saying. Hello I'm a druggy job applicant and I will be performing a joke about being a druggy job applicant.

You need a whole layer of guessing and surprise.

Hi Liam,
well done for this it was a good try, I watched all 20 mins which is very unlike me but it passed very quickly,
the biggest critique I would say is your writing is just not tight enough, the two interviews at the beginning where very quite on words, you need every word to be there for a reason! also you need to bring in the un-natural talk you get in TV programmes that you don't get in real life.
this is very much like putting a camera in the average laundrette, it need more verbal talk, not word, but scripted words,
my advice before you move on to the next episode, do this episode again. look at the few small parts that work and rewrite the parts that don't give it a start finish and a middle that gets us interested,
why is he looking for staff if he is not busy?
we need more,
the guy with one set of clothes, needs to be more scripted,
chuck some great jokes in, some one liners, some whitty comments,
give the people a reason for being there,
the guys name is daz and he runs a launderette but you passed over it like the name was the funny bit, that could have been a big laugh,
I could talk for hours because I liked the idea, it wasn't trash, it just could have been very good if you just tried a little harder!

I'd agree with most of what's been said.
I think more time should have been spent at script stage getting it tight.

I agree with what Funy said, ohthat's me!