First few scenes of a series/dramedy Page 2

I concur with everyone else, really very well put together indeed. Real characters, plenty of action, good dialogue with memorable lines, plus some visual stuff to keep us amused. As Lazzard says, we're left to do some of the work, which is great.

I don't think it's too complex, I reckon it would be obvious on screen. My only concern with the flashbacks is imagining all the potential volume changes on the Smiths backing music. But lose Moz, not the flashbacks, if the case is called!

I also wonder whether leaving the change on the bus floor is quite right with the character & situation...as I'm imagining from what you've posted, of course, if you feel it makes sense, you know better than I!

One other tiny note: Is The Lemonheads a bit retro for a 20 year old? They wouldn't have been born when the band was having its hits, but they also haven;t really outlasted their era as a classic band (or have they??).

I like the opening scene, and think it should be there. The only thing that I think is that "It's a repeat" is the end of the scene, it's v funny. But then, perhaps I'm thinking in sit com terms, and this isn't a sit com. I have to say I feel that dramedies and things that "fall betwen two stools" generally frustrate me, but that's my taste, not a critiscism on what you've written.

that's not a finger lol, the pic is too big. It's a soft focus arm of a chair.
No sherry had passed my lips!

It's a lovely camera and lens but I bought it mainly for video My excuse anyway.

Hi Gappy,

Thanks for your great feedback, much appreciated. You make an excellent point about the music being tricky in a technical sense. What I want to do, is identify Manchester via its music. And also George's character, who has affection for his surroundings but also see's it as a place bereft of opportunity for him. It may not work in this instance with the flashbacks though.

To be honest, I plucked Lemonheads out of the sky but you might be right. Although Sal is a bit of a music snob so perhaps she would like bands on purpose, that are not 'the norm'. She's George's salvation in the broader plot (although not evident here), so she's influenced by him and he would know the Lemonheads I think.

The coins thing I think is borderline. Steve the driver hates George alot, and George doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing him scampering on the floor picking up coppers. Hopefully the reveal of why Steve hates him will justify it! But maybe not...

I can understand people's frustration with the dramedy thing - to be honest I hope it's much more 'comedy series' than 'dramedy'! We'll see when its done if I've bolloxed that balance or not!

*******

haha it really looks like the index finger has photobombed there!

Yes they're great for video, little bit fiddly if you want any sort of movement/zoom on a shot but well worth the hassle. And you'd pay thousands to get the same quality on a video camera. I've used a 5D a lot for work, and I'd love to get my paws on one for myself!

What sort of stuff are you shooting?

Just bits of nonsense usually, I sold my Mark2 and upgraded Plan to make a proper short film again some time.

Heres one I made earlier, sadly not with a 5D and sad to see the great man again, who died far too young recently.

!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMTV1Xif8vs

HOLY SMOKES!!!! I haven't watched the monologue yet (though I will), I was too shocked to see that you've crossed paths with one of my favourite actors of all time. He was unthinkably talented :-(

I will resist at this point, quoting every single Monty line I loved! (every single line there was)

Aye get making stuff again! Easier said than done though, I know. You certainly have a good bit of kit now though.

If I can get hold of some actors I will be on the case lol. He was a really lovely guy and a rubbish actor but he responded well to my directing.

Quote: Marc P @ 9th January 2015, 3:36 PM GMT

It did feel a bit over complicated for me at the moment at the start and I think you need to make a decision between comedy and drama as it is very sitcom at the start.

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I agree with this. I have never been much of a fan of a "dramedy" - what do you mean? A drama with a sprinkling of comedy? A comedy with a sprinkling of drama?

I like it, but I am not sure I know what box it fits in. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, but TV is all about boxes.

Thanks for the feedback Jennie. Don't let the title of the thread put you off, I 'meant' nothing by it/put very little thought into it. Perhaps I should have. I do mean to write a comedy that I think's funny, with elements of drama in it. So I guess, "comedy with a sprinkling of drama"! to answer your question.

I'm a big believer in writing what you think you're best at, however that may be received. So when I finish, if it doesn't tick the right boxes so be it :-)

Quote: Wills @ 9th January 2015, 6:08 PM GMT

What I want to do, is identify Manchester via its music.

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The Fall!
Autechre!
Peter Maxwell Davies!

Morrissey gets plenty of airtime already.

The coins make sense when you explain it as being from a sense of stiff pride, that could easily be got across onscreen.

haha give me a chance gappy there's only a few scenes here!! Perhaps Morrissey is a bit cliche though fair point :-)

No, I love The Smiths, only joking. And they'd be the right music for this scene - plenty of time for Crispy Ambulance and A Guy Called Gerald in later episodes.

I coner