This is an army training video idea in which they train with bits of sticks.
THE OFFSHOOTS.
EXT. DAY.
GRAINY SEPIA FOOTAGE PANNING OVER A FOREST.
VOICEOVER:
The humble tree.....lots of them there. Erosion preventer; shade creator; soldier saver? It may be shocking to surprise you-
CUT.
VOICEOVER (CNTD):
It may shock you to surprise-
CUT.
VOICEOVER (CNTD):
Shocking as surprised is-
CUT.
VOICEOVER:
It may be shocking to realise that in a war all you need is a bit of a stick to avoid a bit of a death. Since the age of trees men have been around to break bits off them and use them for things. Finally we've found a practical use for sticks; hitting other people with them.
Over the course of this training video you will learn all you need to know about all the sticks you need to know about and how to use them for all the things you need to use them for in hand to hand or indeed hand to face combat.
A LINE OF SOLDIERS IN TRAINING GEAR RUN IN AN OLD-FASHIONED AND VERY ORDERLY MANNER. THEY CAN BE SEEN PERFORMING VARIOUS AND UNUSUAL EXCERCISES SUCH AS ROLLING ON THE GROUND WHILST HOLDING A BRANCH.
VOICEOVER (CNTD):
Through years of rigourous training a specialist team has been assembled. Unfortunately the training took so long that the war was over before they were finished but they'll be ready for the next one! They are a team that have perfected the art of plant combat. A team that know more about the roots of a tree than the roots of themselves. A team simply known as THE OFFSHOOTS.
TWO SOLDIERS DRESSED IN TRAINING GEAR STAND A FEW FEET APART AND FACE EACH OTHER.
VOICEOVER:
Lesson one: Turning in the Breeze.
SOLDIER 1 WITH A SMALL STICK IN HIS HAND APPROACHES SOLDIER 2 IN A STEALTH-LIKE MOTION.
VOICEOVER:
Our man approaches the enemy steadily and stealthily and silkily and unsteadily with stick firmly in hand. The enemy is aware of his presence and braces for impact based on how the stick is grasped...oh! But at the last second he turns in the breeze-adjusting his hold on the stick-wrong-footing his foe which allows him to press the stick into his person rendering him hurt.
VOICEOVER (CNTD):
Lesson two: Leaf of Absence.
SOLDIERS ASSUME THE SAME POSITIONS BUT THIS TIME THE FRIENDLY SOLDIER CROUCHES.
VOICEOVER:
Assuming a more crouched posture our man is in the premium position to spring unawares at his adversary. As he is below his enemy's line of sight he simply cannot be seen. He jumps into his line of vision but before he can react our man has broken into a forward roll and is now positioned behind him.
ENEMY SOLDIER LOOKS AROUND AIMLESSLY. FRIENDLY SOLDIER STANDS BEHIND HIM AND SEARCHES HIS POCKETS. HE PULLS OUT A KNIFE AND PUTS IT BACK IN. HE PULLS OUT A GUN AND PUTS IT AWAY. HE FINALLY FINDS THE STICK AND BOPS THE ENEMY ON THE HEAD WITH IT.
VOICEOVER:
Ha ha! Take that the enemy! It looks like there was a thorn on that one.
VOICEOVER:
Lesson three: Special Branch.
ENEMY SOLDIER HAS A GUN AND IS RUNNING AT FRIENDLY SOLDIER.
VOICEOVER:
But what to do when your foe is on the offensive? He fires a shot. The first thing you need to do is to check if you're dead. Regardless of whether you are or not you carry on. You run to the nearest forest and take the time to saw down a big branch and absolutely flake him with it.
FRIENDLY SOLDIER SWINGS THE BRANCH AT THE ENEMY CAUSING HIM TO FALL OUT OF SHOT.
ENEMY SOLDIER (OOV): (IN PAIN)
Oh sweet mother of Jesus!!
VOICEOVER:
And that is the top three tips of The Offshoots. Always remember but at the same time never ever forget that the forest is the soldiers' secret weapon.
THE TWO SOLDIERS FACE THE CAMERA TO BOW. THE SOLDIER REPRESENTING THE ENEMY IS COVERED IN CUTS AND BRUISES. WHEN HE BOWS HE CANNOT RETURN TO UPRIGHT POSITION. HE IS HELD UP BY FRIENDLY SOLDIER UNTIL PICTURE FADES TO BLACK.
ENEMY SOLDIER (OOV):
You stupid f**king prick! You weren't supposed to really hi-
END SKETCH.
