Dreamer Dave and The DWP

INT. LOCATION - THE LOCAL JOB CENTRE/11:05/A TUESDAY IN FEBRUARY

THE 'PERSONAL INTERACTION ROOM' IS BARE, APART FROM A TABLE, THREE TIRED CHAIRS AND A POSTER ON THE WALL STATING: 'WORK - NATURE'S PROZAC' ADORNING THE BATTLESHIP GREY WALLS.

CHARACTERS:

DAVE - A BADLY DRESSED EARLY FORTYSOMETHING BLOKE SPORTING LONG HAIR, SILVER EARRINGS, BLACK JEANS AND STAINED AC/DC T-SHIRT WHICH HE'S RELUCTANTLY COVERED WITH A SHINY POLYESTER SUIT JACKET.

FRANCES - A DWP EMPLOYEE IN HER LATE TWENTIES WITH BAD ACNE AND A CRUSH ON JON BON JOVI.

FRANCES CONSULTING HER FOLDER)

Thank you for coming in Mr Maxwell; as you would have seen from my last email, we're very keen to hear about your continuing search for employment.

DAVE(SHUFFLING IN HIS SEAT UNCOMFORTABLY)

Er, yeah - right. Well, I've been working on a series of small projects which will undoubtedly bear fruit at some point.

FRANCES

That's very generic Mr Maxwell. Please elaborate.

DAVE

Please call me Dave, my piano tutor used to address me by my surname and that led to an unfortunate incident with his metronome.

FRANCES (SLIGHTLY SURPRISED)

Fine - Dave. So if you could explain the nature of your current employment prospects.

DAVE

Well, you'll undoubtedly recall from our chat back in October that I was penning a book entitled 'Dungeons and Dragons: The Truth' - well, it's complete and I've self-published it.

FRANCES

That's excellent news Dave. Just how many have you sold to date?

DAVE

Well, it's difficult to quantify because of the overseas market, but the total number of units I've shifted is...(looks embarrassed)Well....one.

FRANCES

Right. Is it an e-book format?

DAVE

No, it's a physical format - I did a vox pop on the streets of Surbiton and the passers-by who agreed to speak to me concurred that e-books are 'on the way out'.

FRANCES

That's hardly a representative sample of the UK Dave.

DAVE

Fair enough. At the moment me and my fiancée are living in a house share, so I've had to purchase a cabin bed to store all of the stock, otherwise I'd have to pole vault over to the wardrobe.

FRANCES

Being a writer is a difficult vocation Dave and often takes many years of blood, sweat and toil. At this moment in time it's not providing you with a steady income and I'd suggest that you took a job in the meantime to tide you over.

DAVE

I'm far too intelligent to be stuck in mundane employment.

FRANCES

That is as maybe, but if you don't take up a job offer within the next ten working days I'm stopping your benefit. Mr Sealion's Deep Fried Fish Bar has a current vacancy for a potato boy - please give your serious consideration to this.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

That's our session over. Goodbye Dave and do heed my words.

DAVE

I will do. Thank you (LEAVES ROOM)

I thought that was quite nice and light and natural...but am I missing something or is there no end at all?

Quote: gappy @ 1st January 2015, 6:35 PM GMT

I thought that was quite nice and light and natural...but am I missing something or is there no end at all?

View original

Thanks Gappy. I thought that it might form the first of three sketches which gradually get more surreal and Dave's eventual suggested job, more mundane. It may work?

Maybe - doesn't scream "sketch" at me, though, more "light dramedy".

It's a pleasant enough bit of banter, but it doesn't really seem to go anywhere.

And the character of Dave is way to vague.

He's a sort of amalgam of characteristics that don't match up.

I'd stick with one strong idea and go with it.

Thank you both; I'll work on it.

I'd say a good tactic would be to ask who's the most annoying person who comes to a job office?

How about someone who really, really wants a job?

or

The only job they had is wanking off a zoo animalthat's now extinct and they won't change their skills.

Quote: sootyj @ 1st January 2015, 8:18 PM GMT

I'd say a good tactic would be to ask who's the most annoying person who comes to a job office?

How about someone who really, really wants a job?

or

The only job they had is wanking off a zoo animalthat's now extinct and they won't change their skills.

View original

Rebecca Loos based her whole media career around that specific skill.

Hi BlueNun,

I really like some of the exchanges, it feels natural. Some of the visuals it conjures up are funny too, and I love the book title! It does feel like a sample from something, rather than a stand alone sketch as others have alluded to. Nothing wrong with that mind, but might be a good challenge to see if you can thread a pay off in there, to make it stand alone.

My main feedback is that I agree about comments re: 'Dave'. He's a tad neutral and/or confused at the moment. For example...

"I've been working on a series of small projects which will undoubtedly bear fruit at some point" - suggests at the beginning that Dave is over-confident/self-deluded, which becomes apparent. But you undermine that by giving him a conscience/realisation he's not doing well....

FRANCES

That's excellent news Dave. Just how many have you sold to date?

DAVE

Well, it's difficult to quantify because of the overseas market, but the total number of units I've shifted is...(looks embarrassed)Well....one.

in this instance, Dave shouldn't be embarrassed or apologetic, he should be able to justify exactly why he's only sold one copy. His ideas are perfect, it's everyone else that is nuts. Make the delusion clearer, and Dave as a character becomes clearer as a result. He needs to be a lot bolder in my opinion to create more conflict with Frances - who wants to give him a job he feels is well beneath him.

Good luck with it,
Will

Quote: Wills @ 2nd January 2015, 2:05 PM GMT

Hi BlueNun,

I really like some of the exchanges, it feels natural. Some of the visuals it conjures up are funny too, and I love the book title! It does feel like a sample from something, rather than a stand alone sketch as others have alluded to. Nothing wrong with that mind, but might be a good challenge to see if you can thread a pay off in there, to make it stand alone.

My main feedback is that I agree about comments re: 'Dave'. He's a tad neutral and/or confused at the moment. For example...

"I've been working on a series of small projects which will undoubtedly bear fruit at some point" - suggests at the beginning that Dave is over-confident/self-deluded, which becomes apparent. But you undermine that by giving him a conscience/realisation he's not doing well....

FRANCES

That's excellent news Dave. Just how many have you sold to date?

DAVE

Well, it's difficult to quantify because of the overseas market, but the total number of units I've shifted is...(looks embarrassed)Well....one.

in this instance, Dave shouldn't be embarrassed or apologetic, he should be able to justify exactly why he's only sold one copy. His ideas are perfect, it's everyone else that is nuts. Make the delusion clearer, and Dave as a character becomes clearer as a result. He needs to be a lot bolder in my opinion to create more conflict with Frances - who wants to give him a job he feels is well beneath him.

Good luck with it,
Will

View original

Thank you, that's some very sound advice. I normally blog in the first person and therefore don't have to create too much dialogue, or scene setting. The element of including more conflict is key in any interview situation.