SCENE1
A POSTMAN WHO RESSEMBLES EDWARD WOODWARD IS DELIVERING MAIL IN A VILLAGE THAT LOOKS LIKE IT COULD BE ON A REMOTE SCOTTISH ISLE
POSTMAN WALKS UPTO A FRONT DOOR AND STARTS PUTTING COLOURFUL ENVELOPES THROUGH IT
THEY READ
Happy birthday mum
Happy birthday sister
Happy birthday mum and sister and aunt
OOV CHEERY KIDS VOICES
Moon pig dot com
SCENE2
POSTMAN WHO RESSEMBLES EDWARD WOODWARD
WALKS UP A STREET IN THE VILLAGE IT'S A LONG STREET AT EACH HOUSE HE STOPS AND POSTS A PILE OF COLOURFUL ENVELOPES, WITH THE MOON PIG LOGO ON THEM.
BY THE HUNDREDTH HOUSE HE STARTS DELVING INTO HIS COLOURFUL SACK
POSTMAN
What is this, what the hell is this. No benefits letters, no Netflix DVDs, just Moonpig flipping letters.
A POLICEMAN APPROACHES THE POSTMAN
POLICEMAN
Does everything seem to be alright sir.
POSTMAN
Yes it's just the post its all.....
POSTMAN LOOKS AT THE POLICEMAN'S ID BADGE IT READS Sergeant Moon
POSTMAN
Nothing.
OOV CHILDREN'S VOICES
Moon pig dot com
SCENE 3
THE POSTMAN WHO STILL RESSEMBLES EDWARD WOODWARD IS DELVERING A HUGE STACK OF COLORFUL ENVELOPES TO THE VILLAGE SCHOOL
THE POSTMAN GLANCES IN THE WINDOW AND SEE'S A QUAINT CLASS ROOM, EXCEPT THE WALLS ARE COVERED IN CHILDISH PAINTINGS OF POSTMAN PAT BEING KILLED IN INCREASINGLY BLOODY MANNER, BY WOLVES HIS INTESTINES TORN OUT AND PECKED BY CROWS
IN A PANIC HE LOOKS AROUND AND SEE'S ON THE BLACKBOARD A PICTURE IN CHALK OF A VAST WICKER PIGS HEAD MADE OUT OF WICKER BURNING, WITH A SCREAMING FIGURE WITH IN.
AROUND PEOPLE DANCE NAKED AND WANTONLY WHILST WEARING ANIMAL HEADS.
THE POSTMAN WALKS ALONG SHAKING WITH FEAR NOW AND GLANCES IN AT THE SECOND CLASS ROOM, IT'S A SCIENCE LAB AND THERE IS A BLACK AND WHITE CAT STRAPPED TO A VIVISECTION TABLE THE CHILDREN STAND AROUND IT HOLDING SCALPELS. WHILST THE TEACHER READS FROM THE NECROMNICON
THE CHILDREN ALL SING
Moon Pig Dot Com, Moon Pig Dot Com.
THE POSTMAN THROWS HIS BAG DOWN AND RUNS IN TERROR.
SCENE 4
THE POSTMAN RUNS THROUGH THE VILLAGE PURSUED BY CHILDREN AND VILLAGERS, SOME ARE NAKED, SOME ARE COVERED IN WODE, ALL CARRY COLORFUL ENVELOPES AND SOME FLAMBARDS, MOST ARE WEARING COLORFUL PIGS HEADS
AS THE POSTMAN BREATHES IN PANIC THE CHILDREN TUNEFULLY CHANT
CHILDREN
Moon pig dot com, moon pig dot com.
THE POST MAN REACHES HIS BICYCLE AND AS HE GRABS IT HE SEE'S THE TYRES AND SADDLE HAVE BEEN STOLEN A HAND DROPS ON HIS SHOULDER AND HE TURNS AND LOOKS INTO THE FACE OF THE POLICEMAN FROM EARLIER WHO IS HOLDING THE SADDLE FROM THE BICYCLE
THE VILLAGERS SURROUND THEM AND CONTINUE THEIR OBSENE, GOD MOCKING DANCE
CHILDREN AND POLICE OFFICER AND THE VILLAGERS
Moon pig dot com, moon pig dot com.
SCENE 5
THE POSTMAN IN A WHITE SACRIFICIAL GOWN IS BEING DRAGGED UP A HILL BY THE VILLAGERS
POSTMAN
No, no my death won'T bring your crops back. If only you had Farmers Gazette magazine delivered instead of those stupid cards.
THE VILLAGERS IGNORE HIM AND KEEP CHANTING MOON PIG DOT COM
THE VILLAGERS DRAG THE POST MAN TO THE TOP OF THE HILL, IT'S DARK THERE IS A FULL ECLIPSE AND IT LOOKS LIKE A HUGE BLOODY PIGS HEAD HAS REPLACED THE SUN
POSTMAN
Oh God no, Oh God no you've signed for the wrong delivery.
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL IS A GIANT WHICKER PIGEON WITH A MILKMAN AND A TNT DELIVERY MAN INSIDE OF IT