Dating a serial killer

guy at club no girl is paying attnetion to him
hot girl walks up to him puts her drink down

hot girl
you gonna poor me a drink

looser guy
i sure will oi bar tender poor this girl a drink on me

bar tender poors her a drink , the night goes on as they drink more as he shouts her more

looser guy
yo lets get up on the dance floor

int. dance floor
they up dancing he asks her some quststions he notices she looking around alot

looser guy
so what do you do ?

the music is very loud she dancers around

hot chick
i'm a serial killer

looser guy
your a awhat ?

puts his handup to his ear

hot chick
i'm a serial killer

looser guy
a serial killer? like in the movies?

hot chick
yer kinda like that

looser guy
so just so I get this right
your a searial killler?

club is pumping with music still as she dancers around

hot chick
yer why what youg ot a problem with that?

looser guy
ummmm

hot chick
dont worry I'm not gonna kill you

looser guy
um okay

hot chick
so take me home

looser guy
um I'm not sure

she is othorative

hot chick
now!

int. looser guys apartment
they are making out

looser guy
you scar me a bit

hot chick
dont be scared, well have a long and healthey reelatinship
just don't ever ask me what I do ever again till our wedding day

looser
our wedding day?

she pushes his head down on the pillow

hot chick
yes our wedding day you got a problem with that

looser
ummm?

3 years later
looser
so its been threee years were in vegas now I thought I'd ask you to marryme

they stand at the alter in vegas

hot chick
oh baby I thought youd never ask me

the priest I take you to be lawful wedded wife

looser
yes I do

he asks her a question as the wedding finalises

looser
so do think you will take my family name

hot chick
sorry I don't think that is an option now

Can you re-route these to the Critique section?

i'm happy if the forum wants to re route them

yer but I'm looking for a comedian to do these jokes, so its not for critque really, I'm not a comedian I only write stuff

Capital letters at the start of a sentence.

There, I have done my little bit to start you on the road to being a comedy writer.

You need a loose guy before you can have a looser guy, logically. You're like Nero, starting their sizes at Medium.

I think you should work on your stuff a lot more before posting it. At the very least get the spelling right.

i'm dislexic

i cannot get my spelling right

Quote: comedywriter dude @ 28th December 2014, 5:14 PM GMT

i'm dislexic

i cannot get my spelling right

View original

Try using Word or similar software. Or, even better, get some transcription software so you can speak your scripts.

I'm far form a spelling obsessive, but the brutal fact is if people can't understand what you've written, they can't tell you whether it's any good or not.

Comedywriter Dude
Sorry about your dyslexia but love your stuff. Instead of concentrating on spelling if people actually read the work, they would too.
Have you considered incorporating those words into a Reggae tune.

For God sake can we all stop beating around the bush!

Sorry mate but it was shit!

there, its been said!

honestly it was not funny has no chance of being funny if you rewrote it a million times, time to move on and try again!

I hope your next effort has a better idea and a lot more humour!
best of luck

Don't be cruel. If your missus said that to you every time she faked it, you wouldn't like it.

There is a logic flaw there Jerf!

She fakes it but doesn't say anything because that would be cruel.
Any bells ringing Marc.

I've not met your wife Jerf.

Meanwhile 'If your missus said that to you every time she faked it, you wouldn't like it.'

If she said it she wouldn't be faking it would she???'

There is never a need for more than one question mark.