Sketch- Socrates' cousin Philistinius

Bit of a mad sketch here, feedback would be great. As a philosophy student, I always got the impression that Socrates was a bit of a dick, so thought that might be an idea. Thanks to sootyj and gappy for their feedback on my oompa loompa sketch :-)

SOCRATES' COUSIN PHILISTINIUS

Socrates has overstayed his welcome at his brother Philistinius' home. His brother, an ordinary stonemason in Athens, comes home from a day's work to see Socrates lounging about the house contemplating philosophical questions.

PHILISTINIUS: Hello Socrates, busy day was it? [sarcastically]

SOCRATES: Very busy indeed! Spent the day debating whether the universe is in a state of constant flux or permanence, paused for tea-time, contemplated my own existence and then had a quick nap. You?

PHILISTINIUS: Oh fine, [looks around kitchen] Drat! We're out of bread! I'm gonna have to pop down to the shops, want anything?

SOCRATES: And tell me this my dear cousin, what exactly is this 'shop' you speak of?

PHILISTINIUS: You know the shops down the road? I'm going down to pick up a few bits.

SOCRATES: No, I'm afraid I don't know what these 'shops' are. Enlighten me as to what your definition of a shop is?

PHILISTINIUS: It's just a place where you buy things, you know well what they are! Now do you want anything or not?

SOCRATES: A place where you buy things, he says! Well why not sell off all of your goods and possessions? Your home will certainly be a shop then wouldn't it? If I auction off my organs, is my body a shop then?

PHILISTINIUS: Listen Socrates, I don't really have time for this!

SOCRATES: Well a man who does not have time for philosophical questions doesn't deserve bread, for the soul needs as much nourishment as the body. Remember how I taught you that the unexamined life is not worth living?

PHILISTINIUS: Yes, I asked had you seen my keys

SOCRATES: Looking for your keys you were, but what turned out to be a mundane quest for a material object, became the penultimate journey towards the immaterial concept of keys in its universal form!

PHILISTINIUS: Yep, still looking for those keys though

SOCRATES: Trivial objects will come and go, but the universe in it's purest forms will go on indefinitely!

PHILISTINIUS: Look! I was just being polite asking if you wanted anything. And since you can't answer, I have no choice but to ignore you, so I'm sorry but I'm off!

SOCRATES: But by finding truth we please the Gods, to choose ignorance is to spit in the face of almighty Zeus! If you want to avoid the Hell of Hades, you must pursue the universal truths!

PHILISTINIUS: Well you know where you can shove your universal truths! [Leaves room]

SOCRATES: Hmm, [Thinks to himself] But what exactly is a aresehole? Sod it (goes back to sleep)

Ends.

Sorry doesn't really work for me, it's just a zig zag between 2 characters dialogue that doesn't go very far.

I think I get what you're getting at, but you know it also needs funny dialogues etc

I agree with sooty, it's a nice idea but it could be executed with more finesse. I'm a philosophy student myself and I like this Socrates the aresehole characterisation, but you could do with getting more actual jokes into the dialogue and put a bigger, more worthwhile punchline in. Also, the audience for this is very niched because of all the theories you're referencing, so that might be something to think about.

Yes, same for me, really, good starting point, but a bit thin - I'd make Socrates more of an arse, rather than a lightly annoying muser. Perhaps you could spark it up by putting Socrates - in his robves and all that - in an anachronistic setting, like a board meeting.

-What are the sales figures for quarter 2, Socrates?
-Ah, indeed, what *are* the sales figures for quarter 2?

That woudl have a sort of Big Train vibe to it.

Cheers guys! Will rework it as I think the idea itself is good