Favourite "Corporal Jones" Moments (Dad's Army)

Hey, you...!!!

This is not a thread about Jonesey's catchphrases, we all know them, but about specific funny moments in which he's starring in. Of course they can include one of his many legendary catchphrases.

Two of my favourite scenes:

Obviously the one in my signature, a scene from the episode "If the cap fits...":

After being heavily criticised by Frazer for wasting everybody's time with useless lectures Mainwaring talks to the platoon:

Mainwaring: "I get the impression that there is in the ranks a certain dissatisfaction with my methods of command."
Jones: "Permission to speak! I'd like to make a statement, Sir! I see it this way: an officer is an officer, a sergeant is a sergeant, a lance corporal is a lance corporal and a private is a private."
Mainwaring: "Yes?"
Jones: "No, that's all there is, Sir..."
Mainwaring: "What's that got to do with it?"
Jones: "It hasn't got anything to do with it, Sir, but I just thought I ought to say it, Sir."

I also like the moment in "The Day The Balloon Went Up" where someone has scribbled a rude word on the vicar's harmonium. Mainwaring is forced to enquire in this matter. He asks Jones: "Have you done that?" while pointing at the rude word (we never get to see but is of course of a sexual nature). A visibly embarrassed Jones replies "You mean recently?"

There are so many more...too many to remember them all at once. I'd like to know about your favourite Jones moments. Share them with me...or I'll give you the old cold steel!

One of my favourite Jones' moments is when he is in the Church hall in his dress uniform (from "The Bullet Is Not For Firing" - thanks for that GB via the PM). Jones is a witness in the enquiry about a firing incident, and as he is speaking the church choir start singing in a back room so that Jones thinks his time has come with the angels beckoning him to heaven -

Never fails with me, so funny.

The other one is from "No Spring For Fraser" when they go to see Mr Blewitt because they think the Lewis gun spring is in his brother's coffin in the front room, and Mr Blewitt virtually blames Jones for his brother's death, saying "He was standing just where you are now and he unwrapped that piece of meat you had just sold him and said, 'Look, all bone and gristle'. And he dropped down dead"

Summat like that but it was so funny - Jones' face and indignity.

Also love it whenever he puts his hand on his hip to make a pronouncement, saying something like ".....and then General Gordon would say to his men, all nonchalant like,..........."

Don't wanna come across as curmudgeonly but I find Jones the most irritating and least entertaining character in DA. I don't find any slapstick funny and most of the 'humour' centred on Jones is slapstick. For me the core of DA's appeal is in the barbed exchanges between Mainwairing and Wilson, in Fraser's schadenfreude attitude towards Mainwairing, Wilson's louche manner, Pike's naivity about the relationship between Wilson and his mother and in Mainwairing's general pomposity, self-importance and toadying to the professional soldiers..

Fair point, there are lots of scenes that show him in slapstick situations, especially when he has to climb poles or wires...like Harold Lloyd.

But I think he has a loveable and interesting character. He's a nice, calm old man, at the same time is a nervous careerist who volunteers literally for anything. He's sensible and cynical at the same time. Think of the scene where he's talking with Pike about the real army: he raves about the camaraderie but concludes his speech with something like "If someone knicks your kit, make sure you pinch someone else's". To me he's not just a clown.

Quote: Alexei Q @ 3rd December 2014, 11:29 AM GMT

Don't wanna come across as curmudgeonly but I find Jones the most irritating and least entertaining character in DA.

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Private Cheeseman?

No! I love Private Cheeseman.

I have to admit that I do find some of the antics he gets up to a tad annoying, but it's when he holds forth with one of his yarns that makes me laugh.

Quote: Paul Wimsett @ 3rd December 2014, 3:26 PM GMT

Private Cheeseman?

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I'd say he's more pointless and unnecessary than irritating though his teeth bug me. Don't think I've ever laughed at any Cheeseman related incidents.

Quote: Alexei Q @ 4th December 2014, 9:39 AM GMT

I'd say he's more pointless and unnecessary than irritating though his teeth bug me. Don't think I've ever laughed at any Cheeseman related incidents.

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I find him pretty pointless too...but I like it when he's calling Mainwaring "old boy", or to be more precise: I like Mainwaring's facial expression in reaction to this disrespect. I also like how Cheeseman pronounces Mainwaring...something like "Maneworing".

Does no one like Jones (except for HGT)?

Nope, still like Cheeseman - thought he was a good addition.

Again, dunno what episode; but when he is serving a queue of ladies in his shop, checking their coupons, and the well endowed Mrs. Fox comes to be served and hands over her coupon booklet, she thrusts her ample frontage forward towards Jones and asks him if she has got enough.

The look on his face....................

Here's a test for you Gordon as you are such a fan:-

What are the names of the three men standing behind Jones in your photo?

Absolutely no idea. Sponge is the only member of the platoon I know by name.

Only joshing!

Quote: Hercules Grytpype Thynne @ 5th December 2014, 6:32 PM GMT

Only joshing!

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Stupid boy!