Topical Sketch

A topical sketch. I've been trying to wrack my brains and this is what I came up with. Sorry. Thoughts please.

Withdrawal- Sketch

INT. BUILDING SOCIETY. DAY

WE ARE LOOKING AT A TYPICAL QUIET BUILDING SOCIETY WITH A FEW QUEUES. SUDDENLY THREE MEN WEARING SKI MASKS RUN IN BRANDISHING SAWN OFFS.

First Mask
Okay everybody on the floor and do not move. This is a robbery.

GOES TO A TILL.

Okay you. Open the time lock on the door. Move it or I’ll blow your f**king head off. NOW!

CASHIER OPENS DOOR

First Mask (to other masks)
Okay boys lets go go go.

THE OTHERS RUN BEHIND TO THE TILLS AND FILL UNSEEN BAGS FULL OF CASH.

First Mask
Robbo, take plenty of pound coins for change.

Second Mask
Coppers and fifties boss?

First Mask
Yeah just a few.

THEY FINISH.

Second Mask
Right lets go.

First Mask
If any of you bastards move, I’ll waste you.

THEY RUN OUT OF THE DOOR INTO THE STREET. THEY RUN INTO A SIMILAR LOOKING BUILDING SOCIETY FURTHER DOWN THE STREET, BEHIND THE SECURITY GLASS WHERE THE TILLS ARE. THEY TAKE OFF THEIR MASKS TO REVEAL BUILDING SOCIETY UNIFORMS UNDERNEATH.

First (un)Mask (to waiting customer)
How much did you say you wanted to withdraw sir? £300?

CASHIER DELVES INTO ONE OF THE SWAG BAGS AND HANDS OVER MONEY.

Have a nice day and thank you for banking with Northern Rock.

Hah hah, very good. I knew that Northern Bank was going to come into it but I had pictured the vaguely cliched 'empty vault.'

Very funny. Its a great topical sketch don't apologise. You could try sending it to the Treason Show or Newsrevue. I'll PM the emails to you.

Very, very good sketch Wildjesusfishkid! It's a shame that the sketch has a short shelf-life what with this Northern Rock story now blowing over... try and get it on one of the shows ajp29 mentions nice and quick!

Thanks all.

I liked it and couldn't quite see where it was going

excellent ! The key, for me, would be how the contrast in character between them as robbers and as cashiers is handled. I think a good director/ editor would relish that challenge. These lines, for me, offer the best 'laughs':

First Mask
Robbo, take plenty of pound coins for change.

Second Mask
Coppers and fifties boss?

First Mask
Yeah just a few.

If you made the robbers appear as ruthless, hardcore as possible and build the tension, these lines could be really effective. Thinking a thrash metal track during the robbery, maybe slow mo those lines above - the characters saying them as if their lives depended on it, and then contrast the cashier scene with some light muzak. maybe !

Topicality is everything and you can't more topical than this. I totally endorse about sending this through to News Revue with the proviso, however, that you you restructure it for the stage.

A fine sketch but as has been said, extremely short shelf-life!