A MEETING ROOM. INTERIOR. ANY TIME OF DAY YOU FANCY.
A SPEAKER IS ABOUT TO ADDRESS AN AUDIENCE.
HE READS FROM A SHEAF OF PAPERS IN HIS HANDS.
SPEAKER: Good evening. Tonight, I want to talk to you about bollocks. And also about comedy. In fact, what I really want to talk to you about is 'bollocks in comedy'.
HECKLER: What about them?
SPEAKER: Sorry?
HECKLER: What about them?
SPEAKER: Them?
HECKLER: You said you're going to talk about bollocks.
SPEAKER: No, no. Not 'bollocks' as in 'them'. 'Bollocks' as in 'it'. Bollocks singular.
HECKLER: Is this about Hitler?
SPEAKER: No, it's about bollocks in comedy. There's far too much of it.
HECKLER: Too many of THEM, you mean?
SPEAKER: No. Well, I suppose some people would say so, when you consider there must be about 16 of them for every 10 comedians on the telly.
HECKLER: Where are the others then?
SPEAKER: What?
HECKLER: Where's the other 4?
SPEAKER: They're not ANYwhere. They never existed. I'm using mathematics.
HECKLER: Mathematical bollocks?
SPEAKER: Yes, if you're referring to the actual bollocks I've just referred to. But no, if you're trying to disparage my calculations.
HECKLER: I'm going.
SPEAKER: Why?
HECKLER: This is bollocks.
SPEAKER: Don't you mean 'These ARE bollocks'?
HECKLER: What?
SPEAKER POINTS DELIGHTEDLY AT THE HECKLER
SPEAKER: Ha! Got you there, didn't I?
HECKLER SHRUGS AND WALKS AWAY
SPEAKER PREPARES TO RE-ADDRESS THE AUDIENCE BUT DROPS HIS PAPERS ALL OVER THE FLOOR
SPEAKER (ANGRY): Oh, bugger !!!!
ENDS.