A WEE BIRDIE TELLS ME VOTING YES IS FOR C***S
ALEX SALMOND
We, as a nation, can be our own nation, alone, a nation, a lone nation, a nation of loners!!
WEE BIRDIE ON HIS SHOULDER
Wonga here we come!!!
ALEX SALMOND
Everything we are, everything we have can be ours, actually, physically, genuinely ours, not somebody else's, we can be ourselves. We don't have to be anyone else now. We can be our own people, our own person, our own selves!!!
WEE BIRDIE ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm gonnae be ME! Nae mer being a seagull or a pigeon or a robin red breast! Yas!
ALEX SALMOND
This is our time, the time is now, no more UK Greenwich Meantime. No more mean. No more time. This is our clock. Our watch. Our time!!!
WEE BIRDIE ON HIS SHOULDER
What about my cuckoo clock?
ALEX SALMOND
No more GBP. No more pounding us wae their big bagga sterling. No more will we get a GREAT BRITISH POUNDING. We will have our own currency, our own money, our own paper, our own grass, our own water.
WEE BIRDIE ON HIS SHOULDER
What about worms as a currency? Can we have wormisation? Good shit about the grass though, glad you mentioned that.
ALEX SALMOND
Say yes. Say deffo. Say hunner percent. Nod yer heid. Say aye. Say aye tae a pie!!
WEE BIRDIE FLYS OFF AND LANDS BACK IN HIS NEST
WEE BIRDIE'S WIFE
How did it go love?
WEE BIRDIE
Went well love. We'll be largely unaffected to be honest. But we might need to get rid of the cuckoo clock.
WEE BIRDIES WIFE
Not the cuckoo clock!!!!!!
WEE BIRDIE
But just think dear. If we vote No we'll still be referred to as British birds.
WEE BIRDIES WIFE
F**k the cuckoo clock. I'm voting YES! FREEDUMBBBBBBB!!!!
THE END