I liked the original as I said but I also liked Will Cam's version. I don't think it disturbs your characters and it actually makes it a little bit clearer.
A horse walks in to a bar Page 2
Ah so you were the original elaborator of the 'horse walks into a bar' joke....just after my lovely comment to Gappys one. This is very nice indeed. I love how touchy how is. Really clever 
A horse walks into a bar and says 'give me a pint barkeep.' The barman says 'you can kiss my ass! '...
I quite liked it Craig, but think the central idea comes a bit loose after the long face gag goes wrong. I think the age old gags being literally wrong is quite funny, but it all goes off tangent in
Also, this segue into the next gag seems a little awkward:
HORSE
It will be any more of your cheek
BARMAN
Hey, that'll do donkey
It almost feels as if you couldn't think of how to advance the dialogue fluidly. There's not really a witty response to the horse's line, so it feels a little clunky here. Played completely dry, by the horse, though and maybe there's some funny in it.
Quote: Otterfox @ 13th September 2014, 10:19 PM BSTAh so you were the original elaborator of the 'horse walks into a bar' joke....just after my lovely comment to Gappys one. This is very nice indeed. I love how touchy how is. Really clever
Thanks Otter!
Marc P - that's better than any of your entries in the joke thread 
Ben - I think you would be a good teacher.
I've never had my entry criticised!
A HORSE WALKS INTO A BARN
MOUSE: Why the long face?
HORSE: I live here and it's crap.
ENDS.
A HORSE WALKS INTO A BAR
The barman, being a witty chap, asked this horse fellow, "Why the long face?" As soon as he had said it the barman had a grin about him. He grinned as much as any man can grin; a case of the old cheek-ache was upon him as he grinned his grin.
"Why?" said the horse, "I am very down, good bar-keep. My confidence has been shot. You see, I have no wife to speak of. I am but alone in this world. I don't even have a friend. I am but a lonely soul.
The barkeep was a sympathetic chappie and as such felt sympathy for this poor horse. "And what? Do you suppose is the reason for this lonesomeness, my equine friend?" He enquired.
The horse man looked upon this man of the bar, "Because, my tending friend, I am frequently mistaken for a horse."
A HORSE WALKS INTO A CZAR.
CZAR: Clumsy creature! Do you know who I am?
HORSE: Are you wearing underpants?
CZAR: As it happens, I am not.
HORSE: Then you are Czar Knickerless.
ENDS.
I think mine was better
A Horse remenices about the time he ran into a czar
CZAR: (he rembered) Clumsy creature! Do you know who I am?
HORSE: Are you wearing underpants?
CZAR: As it happens, I am not.
Horse, wishing he'd said: Czarry, you're not my type.
A HORSE WALKS INTO A CARR.
CARR: Watch where you're going, you clumsy c***!
HORSE: Sorry, Jimmy.
A HORSE WALKS INTO A WAR
HORSE: Ready for my close-up, Mister Spielberg.
I think I made the horse walk into such a raised bar, it's impossible to beat it. A galliant effort though my dear fellow.
So happy of my last few comments
A HORSE WALKS INTO A BAR
The barman thought himself a witty fellow, "Why the long face?" He asked with a smug little grin.
"Why?" said the horse, "I am very down, good bar-keep. My confidence has been shot. You see; I have no wife to speak of. I am but alone in this world. I don't even have a friend. I am but a lonely soul.
The barkeep was a sympathetic chappie and as such felt sympathy for this poor horse. "And what? Do you suppose is the reason for this lonesomeness, my equine friend?" He enquired.
The horse man looked directly on this barman, "Because, my friend; I am frequently mistaken for a horse."
The barman found amusement in this and so did ask again, "But, my friend; why the long face?"
"Oh that," said the customer, "that's just my son. His mother was a donkey."
A HORSE WALKS INTO A BAR
BARMAN: Why the long face?
HORSE: Because my face is not long enough.
BARMAN LOOKS NONPLUSSED
HORSE (RUEFULLY): Do you know how close I came to landing the 'Carrie Bradshaw' role?
A Horse walks into a bar with a colt. Fed up of people commenting on his race he points the gun towards the barman and says evenly: 'ask me again why the long face?'