Used Car Salesman Sketch

Not sure if this should be in critique.

Picture it performed by the Two Ronnies:

A customer approaches a used car/bike forecourt. He wanders around freely, looking a few bikes up and down, before being a approached by a sleazy looking salesman.

Salesman:
Need any help there sir?

Customer:
Oh yes, hello there. I'm looking for a
new mode of transport

Salesman:
Right-o, and what sort of capacity
were you looking for? Family car, 7 seater?

Customer:
1 seater. Just some personal transport,
something a bit nippy.

The customer strokes a motorbike lovingly

Salesman:
Ah, now then, have I got the thing
for you...

The salesman takes the customer by the arm and leads him towards an oddly out of place stable with the doors bolted shut. There are bales of hay strewn around the outside.

Salesman:
I think we've got just what you're after,
behind this door.

Customer:
Well...what is it?

Salesman:
The very latest in solo transportation.
Top of the range.

Customer:
Right....well, what is it, can you tell me a little bit more?
Does it have any kind of aircon?

Salesman:
Well, it's self cooling. But there aren't any heaters.

Customer:
Right. I see. And what about fuel economy?

Salesman:
Well, it runs on bio-fuel. But you need to re-fuel it,
every day, even if you're not using it.

Customer:
Well, that doesn't sound very good. What about
security measures?

Salesman:
Ah, now, you need to lock it up, or at least fence
it in every night, or it will drive itself away.

Customer:
Drive itself away? Sounds very fancy. And what
about mod cons, any special features?

Salesman:
It's got an ejector seat.

Customer:
Ejector seat? What would I want one of them
for?

Salesman:
Oh don't worry. It might never go off. Probably
won't. But it could do, at any random moment.
All very exciting sir.

Customer:
Blimey. And what sort of horse power are we
talking here?

Salesman:
Oh I should think about 1, sir.

Customer:
Right. Well, I suppose I'll take it then.

Salesman:
Right you are sir

The salesman turns and unbolts the heavy stable door, enters, and leads out a huge ostrich.

It's a decent idea for a sketch. The audience is familiar with the trials and tribulations of buying a car (or bike) and that situation is ripe for comedy.

The ending is good - and unexpected as the clever clogs in the audience will be expecting something equine.

However, if the sketch is to work, you need to have a good logical reason for the salesman to lead the man away from the bike and towards the ostrich. Otherwise it's just a 'silly' sketch.

CO2 emissions seems the obvious choice. Make the customer a fervent 'green' and you're on your way to success with this sketch.

He might also be concerned about risk of theft, the cost of vehicle excise duty and insurance, the cost of MOTs, and he might want something that'll really stand out in a crowd.

As I've said, the clever clogs among the audience will be expecting a horse or a donkey and it might be a nice little touch to confound those people just BEFORE the reveal - just as they think they're about to be proved right, they realise they have to start thinking again.

As the salesman and customer reach the stable door, you could have the customer say "Hang on a minute. You've not got a bloomin' horse in there, have you?'

The salesman laughs. "No, Sir. Now, that would be rather silly, wouldn't it?"

"Okay, I'll take it"

Out comes the ostrich.

Ba-dum Ching.

Job's a good 'un.

I quite like it and before I read Rood's thoughts I was going to suggest making the horse idea a little bit more subtle, so it's harder (or later) to get.

But I also think you could expand it with what Rood was saying about giving it a bit more of a story

I also enjoyed Rood's "and you're on your way to success with this sketch."

Yep, I would reiterate and merge all that:

1) Skip the walk to the stable. Let the viewer "work out" that it's a horse.

2) The go to the stable door, and do the "hey, you've not go a horse behind there" bit that Rood suggests.

Then, bingo, pefectly funny little sketch.