Mimmie McMacken and other much shorter rhymes

I write silly rhymes from time to time. I started a blog and here they are:

http://overneathalbatross.blogspot.ie/

Hey Otterfox

I think you have to work on your timing in these poems. The amount of syllables in your lines keeps changing and that stops the poems from flowing properly.

Thanks for the feedback. I didn't think it was that out of sync to be honest but cheers anyway.

For instance, in the Mimmie McMaccken poem, here are the amount of syllables in each half-line then line of the 1st verse:

4 / 5 - 9
5 / 6 - 11
4 / 5 - 9
4 / 5 - 9
7 / 5 - 12
4 / 5 - 9

As it is, it is difficult to know how to read the poem. With a little tweaking you'd be able to get things flowing properly.

I half agree.

Counting syllables won't help you, because English poetry is based on a rhythm of stresses - think of the "to be or not to be" soliloquoy, not all the lines have 11 syllables, but they do have the same rhythm, and I'm pretty sure Shakespeare knew what he was doing.

The rhythm in the McMacken is a little inconsistent, perhaps that's intentional, as it's clearly supposed to be crazy. If not, though, the trick to writing consistent verse - think I said this before, so apologies if I'm repeating myself - is to read all the 3rd lines, say, one after the other, and see if they feel the same.

Ah I see. That 3rd line technique is a good checker to see if the lines flow in equal length. I assume to pitch these to a publisher ideally the lines would have to be of equal length.

The other poems are much shorter and I would think flow better. I sort of rhymed my way into a full-out story with Miss McMacken there.

Thanks for the feedback fellas.

I have to agree about the lines scanning, very important in rhyme-based poetry
(Not all forms of poetry need constant rhythms, but even with odd rhythms you would want something)
I find parts of the poem reminiscent of Edward Lear, but with a much stronger sense of a narrative story, so a nice mix.
Just a tip for editing poetry rhythm- when I am trying out poetry that I want to scan, I try to read it out loud to see if it 'sounds' right.