GENTLE STIRRING MUSIC
ALEXANDER:
At last! I, Alexander the great have defeated all the known world. A salt tear trickles down my cheek as I come to the terms with the tragic fact, that I have no lands left to conquer.
GENERAL:
Well that's not strictly true is it sir. We haven't even been that way yet
ALEXANDER:
Silence! It matters not for I have conquered as far as the eye can see
GENERAL:
Well yes you have done that sir, but how far can an eye actually see, a mile or two? Less if there's a hill in the way
ALEXANDER:
Shush! And now I have nothing left to do nothing left to prove! It is time that I retired
CRESSIDA:
Is he talking about retiring again, We haven't even been that way yet.
GENERAL:
I know! I tried to tell him!
ALEXANDER:
As the great Aristotle once said to me. Shut up who asked you!
CRESSIDA:
You can only retire when you've got no one else to defeat, that was the agreement
ALEXANDER:
I said when I'd conquered all the known worlds, & I have! I've defeated every world that I know about.
CRESSIDA:
That's because you don't read! but we know about them! So all we need to do is tell you.
ALEXANDER:
LA LA LA I've got my fingers in my ears I can't hear you LA LA LA.
GENERAL:
He does this every time.
ALEXANDER
LA LA Still not listening LA LA
CRESSIDA:
Ok Ok we promise not to tell you about any new countries just please stop making that silly noise.
ALEXANDER:
Well as long as you promise
GENERAL:
Of course
CRESSIDA:
(COUGH) Persia! .
ALEXANDER:
You bloody cow!
GENERAL:
I'll get the troops ready then shall I sir!
CRESSIDA:
Think of how much better you feel when you do the job properly
ALEXANDER:
I hate you two so much!
