A light breeze, gently buzzing insects, the cry of a peacock, the distant playing of a harpsichord ( something "Draughtsman 's Contracty")
SIR ISAAC NEWTON- 17th CENTURY SCIENTIFIC GENIUS
REPORTER- (VERY EARLY) FLEET STREET HACK
SIR ISAAC- Ah Good Fellow, I need your help to spread the news of my great discovery to the
populace...
REPORTER- Alright Sir Isaac, tell me exactly what happened in your own words....
SIR ISAAC- Most certainly, I was reclining 'neath the shadey bowers of yon Bramley....
REPORTER- Lying under an apple tree, on a hot sticky afternoon in the privacy of your orchard..?
Waiting for a busty tavern wench Sir ? Curvy kitchen maid ? Bouncy shepherdess?
Headline " Sir Isaac Newton, Famous Alchemist, 37, Hungry For Apple Tart!"
SIR ISAAC- No, I was considering the pull of the celestial orbs!
REPORTER- Ooh Celeste, sounds a bit foreign! Hoping to pull a French Ladies Maid Sir?
Tell me more about her orbs....(I'm likin' this! Might get Mr Hogarth to do us
cartoon.) So Sir, you were out 'ere away from the prying eyes of Lady Newton?
SIR ISAAC- There is no Lady Newton.
REPORTER- Ooh, hoping to make hay while the sun shines with a swarthy farmhand Sir?
"Saucy Scientist Fancies an Apple Turnover"
SIR ISAAC- No, - I'm merely obsessed by the attraction of the heavenly bodies!
REPORTER- No shame in it Squire - this is 1666 after all! ( This'll knock the Great Fire off the
front page , no more headlines "Phew ! Wat a Scorcher!" ) Tell me more...
SIR ISAAC - I was sat there and an apple fell on my head....
REPORTER- ....And?....
SIR ISAAC- Well, that's it...
REPORTER- .....Where's the story?...
SIR ISAAC- That's it ! It made me realize that the apple ALWAYS falls toward the centre of the
Earth....
Matter draws matter in proportion to its quantity....
REPORTER- But what's your 'angle'?
SIR ISAAC- It's always 90 degrees to the perpendicular !
REPORTER- "The apple falls downwards!"...that's the story?
- there's plague decimating the Capital, chronic social inequality creating a
debauched Aristocracy and a starving underclass, while a wonderous
'New World' opens up to the west ...- And all I've got to work with is-
"Apple Falls Downwards in Lincolnshire Orchard!" ?
SIR ISAAC- ..... Um...Yes.
REPORTER- It's a challenge but.... To make a story go over really big - it needs
Sex, Violence and Royalty - What we got 'ere?....
'Sir Isaac, in the garden, with an apple", not even a good hand at Cluedo.
Hang on! Sir. ....Isaac .....Newton. "S.I.N." " Sin in The Garden of Eden, Under
The Tree of Knowledge!" .- ooh, Too Biblical for the upcoming ' Age of Reason.'
And apples- not exotic enough! - Oranges ! That's better.... -Got it!
Let's say you came up wiv your 'theory' after being assaulted by the
Kings Mistress, Nell Gwynn, ( "Gwynn, 24, 'Actress', Orange Seller, watever " ).
-"Naughty Nell's Falling Fruit Bonks Brainy Boffin- He's 'struck' by the
'gravity' of the situation!" - How's that Sir?
SIR ISAAC- Marvelous! .... Can you get it in the next edition?
REPORTER- I hope so Sir, the next issue doesn't go out for another 127 years...
SIR ISAAC- I must say, 'The Times' has gone downhill recently.
I was going to call it "SIR ISAAC NEWTON WONDERS...." As a 'Newton Wonder"
was a famous variety of cider apple where I grew up, but I grew up in the Forest of Dean
and sadly no-one anywhere else seems to have heard of it, - v tastey tho....