A GRIMY MARTIAL ARTS RING IN SOME GOD FORSAKEN BASEMENT
DODGY TYPES STAND AROUND TAKING BETS AND WAVING MONEY
THE HARD AS NAILS REF STANDS IN THE CENTER OF THE RING
REF
Contender one, Johnny Lee Death fist master of...the death punch!
A BRUCE LEE LOOKING TYPE BARE CHESTED WALKS INTO THE RING, HE GOES THROUGH A ROUTINE OF IMPRESSIVE MARTIAL ARTS MOVES.
REF
Contender two, Albert Pilchard master of dickmove.
ALBERT PILCHARD WALKS INTO THE RING HE IS WEARING A 1970S KARATE STYLE DRESSING GOWN, HE HAS A FAG AND A CUP OF TEA.
JOHNNY LEE DEATH FIST
Prepare to die Albert so called Pilchard!
ALBERT
Oi mate sorry I borrowed your car and it got towed.
JOHNNY
No!
CROWD VARIOUS
You dick, what a dick move!
ALBERT
When you pick it up you'll need a can of petrol cos I dumped it when it was empty soz.
JOHNNY
You, you....
CROWD VARIOUS
Dick move! Dick move!
JOHNNY SINKS TO HIS KNEES
ALBERT
And I ran your girlfriends cat over and said you do it, we're going to the flicks next week with you're Odeon card, she's dumped you cos you're a cat murderer innit.
JOHNNY
.....dick
JOHNNY DIES OF BEING DICK MOVED
CROWD
Dick move! Dick move!
ALBERT
Easy
JOHNNY'S CORPSE IS DRAGGED OFF BY THUGS
REF
And now master Sifu, master of dickmove.
A LITTLE OLD YODA LOOKING DUDE IN AN ORANGE GANDHI NAPPY WALKS ON WITH A WALKING STICK
ALBERT
Hey woe ref, that's not fair, fix
SIFU MAKES A SHUT UP GESTURE, ALBERT SHUTS UP
SIFU
F**ked your mum.
SILENCE DESCENDS ON THE ARENA, A ROPEY LOOKING BIRD IN HER 50S WHO IS ALBERT'S MUM WALKS INTO THE ARENA AND LICK'S SIFU'S HEAD LIKE IT WAS A BIG TOFFEE APPLE.
ALBERT
Erm eh oh..
ALBERT'S HEAD EXPLODES FROM SHAME HIS CORPSE COLLAPSES
CROWD VARIOUS
Dick move! Dick move!
