Well there's a car in it...
TOSS AND TURN
It can be difficult for teenage boys to discuss masturbation with their parents. The teen may feel uncomfortable about his dad masturbating, but wanking can help Papa develop a healthy relationship with his body and avoid unwanted sexual encounters with Mum.
Slamming the spam is a natural part of a daddy's development and begins in early wedhood as a way to relax when tired of boning her indoors. Husbands develop sexual modesty within the first years of marriage, but will gladly honk the cone in public unless encouraged not to. This is fine, but shaming the parent for arm-wrestling with his one-eyed love vessel is not. Any perv can tell you that. But how about teaching your pa the nuts and bolts to help his technique?
Avoiding problems begins with knowing what feels good. Real good. Dr Wankalotte, author of 'Talking To Pop About Popping Off', encourages a sprog to equip his only father with adequate information so he bops the bologna well:
While jerking the gherkin is straightforward - straight and forward - for a boy, a father has it harder. He may not know where to blow his own horn, which can help him through sexual urges without becoming a mother-f**ker. You must candidly talk with him about exploring his wang or even offer a simple fisty-palmer aid. (Don't worry: it doesn't have to be inserted around the baby-maker.) Tell him spouses enjoy milking the lizard, shellacking the shillelagh and sneezing the cock-snot. Show him a picture of Cameron Diaz washing a car in that movie, and encourage him to look at his purple-headed soldier in its tearful eye, in a mirror held in the free hand. Remind him that hand-to-gland combat is a natural way to relieve feelings without the risk of STDs or getting his missis up the guff.
You, as the son of your only father, are entitled to have your own opinions, but do give accurate information: hair will not grow on your palms; you will not go blind; Mama will not get a bun in the oven...
Bottom line, a sprog who shames his old man about backstroke roulette is messing with his head. The other one. Bashing the bayonet helps a father understand himself, sharpens his body imagery and is f**king great fun. It is the most risk-free sexual behaviour if not done in pubic or at the exclusion of rogering, and serves as an alternative to hookers when needed. Rather than assume our parent will learn alone how to audition the hand puppet, manipulate the mango and pound the proverbial pud, kids should develop a healthy stance as carrot-waxing, stick-whittling, walrus-wiggling educators. And how's your father?
