This is a short play I wrote (17 pages) called Job Club. All comments welcome.
ACT I
Scene 1
The stage is set up like a class room, a couple of
cheap/uncomfortable chairs and a desk. CLAIRE and TED are on stage blowing up balloons. CLAIRE is 29, very "hippie-ish", bright clothes
etc. TED is 41, he is an unimpressive looking man.
ROSIE enters, ROSIE is 22, well dressed and
snobby. ROSIE is exacerbated at what she sees.
ROSIE
For gods sakes!
CLAIRE inhales air from one of the balloons, expecting it to make her voice squeaky.
CLAIRE
Morning, Rosie.
(Upset her voice is normal)
Oh.
ROSIE
There's no helium in it. You blew them up! One second
ago!
TED
Leave Claire alone, Rosie.
ROSIE
Shut up, Ted. I'm sick of this. Every day something
more and more absurd. Last week we had a picnic, a film
day and a board game marathon.
TED
What's wrong with that?
ROSIE
This is a jobs club!
CLAIRE
In my defence the film was about the harshness of long
term unemployment.
ROSIE
It was The Full Monty.
CLAIRE
Exactly, think how desperate those actors were to take
that job.
TED stands up and hums striptease music as he
pretends to take off his clothes.
ROSIE
Not again. I spent the past week checking if that
memory eraser from Men In Black actually exists.
TED
You didn't see anything.
ROSIE
I saw it's shadow, that's more than enough.
TED sits back down.
CLAIRE
Aren't you going to ask about the balloons? (Joking) Or
are you worried if you ask I'll tell you?
(Laughs/Realizes her guess was accurate and stops
laughing) Actually this is more closely related to
finding work.
ROSIE
(Disbelieving)
Really?
CLAIRE
It's called clay pigeon feeling shooting.
ROSIE
Give me strength.
CLAIRE
Not quite, you'd get rid of strength. (Getting
confused) If strength was negative. (Regaining her
composure) What you do is, say a feeling that you think
is holding you back in life and set it free.
CLAIRE speaks as she raises the balloon higher and
higher.
CLAIRE
Fly, fly, fly away.
CLAIRE pops the balloon with a pin.
CLAIRE
Then you can move on because that negative feeling
disappears forever.
ROSIE plays with the remnants of the burst
balloon.
ROSIE
Or it blows up in every ones face.
CLAIRE
(Ignoring this comment/still chirpy)
Who wants to go first? Me, me, me! I got in
first.(Thinks) Something I suffer with? (Thinks of
something) I try to please people too much.
ROSIE
Can't you think of something better than that?
CLAIRE
Low confidence?
ROSIE
I suppose.
CLAIRE
Low confidence. So I would say something along the
lines of "low confidence be gone" and...
CLAIRE raises the balloon higher and higher as she
speaks.
CLAIRE
Fly, fly, fly away.
CLAIRE pops the balloon with a pin.
CLAIRE
And it's gone for...
CLAIRE stops herself from finishing her sentence,
remembering ROSIEs reaction the last time she said
that sentence.
CLAIRE
Ted, do you think you can manage it?
TED
If I can run the Great North Run I'm sure I can manage
this.
ROSIE shakes her head at TEDS mentioning of the
Great North Run, it is clear he talks about it a
lot. TED grabs three balloons.
TED
I care too much about other people.
TED raises the balloon as he speaks.
TED
Fly, fly, fly away.
TED pops the balloon with a pin.
TED
I try too hard.
TED raises the balloon as he speaks.
TED
Fly, fly, fly away.
TED pops the balloon with a pin.
CLAIRE
Rosie?
ROSIE takes the last balloon from TED.
ROSIE
Talks about a half marathon he ran over a decade ago
too much. (Mocking) Fly, fly, fly away.
ROSIE pops the balloon with a pin.
TED
At least I've achieved something with my life
ROSIE
I have a first class honours degree. That's something,
something that means I shouldn't be in this place
popping stupid balloons.
CLAIRE
Maybe when you pop a balloon your thing could be
fibbing too much?
ROSIE
Excuse me?
CLAIRE
First? I've seen your degree certificate.
ROSIE is not happy she has been caught out. She
picks up three balloons and pops them for emphasis
when she speaks.
ROSIE
Mind.
ROSIE pops a balloon.
ROSIE
Your.
ROSIE pops a balloon.
ROSIE
Own.
ROSIE pops a balloon.
ROSIE
Bus...
ROSIE realises she has no balloons left. CLAIRE
begins to blow up another balloon to help out
ROSIE.
TED
You got greedy. You shouldn't have added the "own".
"Mind your business" would have done. (Showing her)
Mind your business! See?
CLAIRE tries to hand ROSIE the balloon she has
blown up for her. ROSIE screams in frustration and
exits. ROSIE let's the balloon go and it flies off
(There was no knot tied in the balloon to keep the
air in it.)
scene 2
CLASSROOM. ROSIE is walking away, stage right.
CLAIRE stops her.
CLAIRE
Rosie, can I have a word?
ROSIE
What's wrong, aren't I wasting enough time?
CLAIRE tries to join in on her joke.
CLAIRE
No, you're not, young lady. I want to see more TV
watching.
(ROSIE doesn't join in)
I just wanted to say, you haven't been here that long.
ROSIE
Two weeks. Seems like a long time to me.
CLAIRE
Still, I don't think we've got to know each other as
well as we could have. Don't you agree?
ROSIE
It's bad enough I have to get the bus but if you keep
me here any longer I'm going to have to run for the
bus, and I simply can't do that.
CLAIRE
I had that problem but I went to the sports shop in the
town and this fella was so helpful about what sports
bra was best, the colour, the price, telling me what
size I needed, he should know he spent enough time
checking the size.
ROSIE
As much as I love sexual assault stories, I actually
meant running for the bus would make me feel like more
of a loser, if that's possible.
CLAIRE
Don't be silly (Thinks about it) It wasn't sexual
assault...it was non uniform day that's why he wasn't
dressed like other staff. (Deep in thought)
ROSIE
Claire!
CLAIRE
Sorry, I just wanted to say, even though we have
different ways of doing things, it doesn't mean either
one of us is wrong.
ROSIE
Yes, it does. You're wrong.
ROSIE exits. CLAIRE shouts after her.
ROSIE
(Genuine)
Good talk, any time you need...and she's gone.
scene 3
CLASSROOM. CLAIRE and TED are on stage.
CLAIRE
Rosie must be running late. Today we're having a circus
day.
TED is very excited about this idea.
CLAIRE
Because it's fun and will help you gain some
transferable skills, not because I made a deal with the
fella who gave me all those balloons. They'll be circus
skills classes, learn how to do that weird half bike
thing and...what else do they do?
TED doesn't know.
CLAIRE
I'm sure we'll find out soon enough.
TED
Will there be a lion?
CLAIRE
No, but the ring masters cats a bit of dick, so...
We hear a mumbling from off stage, it is the
circus representative talking to CLAIRE, but we
don't understand what she's saying (Played by
ROSIE to keep the cast at 4)
CLAIRE
Can you wait a minute, I really wanted Rosie to be here
before we started.
Angry mumbling from off stage.
CLAIRE
Alright! Do you kiss the beared lady with that mouth?
(To TED) Okay lets begin.
CLAIRE and TED begin marching around the stage
"trumpeting" the circus theme tune.
CLAIRE
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all
ages please welcome, for your entertainment pleasure,
the man, the myth, the leg...
STEVEN enters. STEVEN is 39, dressed in a suit and
tie and always has his clipboard. CLAIRE sees him
and freezes. STEVEN is staring daggers at her. Not
reading the situation TED continues trumpeting.
CLAIRE
Ted.
TED walks up to STEVEN.
TED
Come on.
CLAIRE
Please Ted no.
TED grabs STEVENs arms and begins to dance around
with him. STEVEN is not happy. ROSIE enters and
sees this.
ROSIE
I wouldn't have told you if I knew you were as bad as
her!
STEVEN drags himself out of TEDs grasp.
STEVEN
It's supposed to be confidential.
TED
What's going on?
CLAIRE
Steven is my boss, and I'm guessing Rosie went to him
because she wasn't happy with how I run this class.
ROSIE
Give her a balloon, oh wait she's got plenty.
STEVEN walks over to the desk.
STEVEN
I'll be taking over for the time being. You can stay of
course, see how it's meant to be done. Is this the
register?
STEVEN picks up the register.
CLAIRE
I don't really like calling it that, but...
STEVEN
Why does everyone on the list have a tick next to their
name when there's only two people here?
CLAIRE
Is that not right?
STEVEN
A tick is present, a cross is absent.
TED
(Genuine)
So why isn't it tick marks the spot?
STEVEN jots something down on his clipboard.
CLAIRE
Listen, Steve.
STEVEN
(Correcting)
EN.
CLAIRE
Sorry. Listen, En.
STEVEN
No, Steve..En.
CLAIRE
Right. Steve...En. If people don't want to be here they
don't have to be here.
STEVEN
That is literally the opposite of the actual rule. No
wonder we've had complaints, well complaint. Let's
begin. Where are we in the work book?
TED and CLAIRE avoid STEVENs gaze.
STEVEN
Let me start with a simpler question, has anyone ever
seen a work book?
TED and CLAIRE avoid STEVENs gaze.
STEVEN
Fine. I'll ask you a few questions and ascertain where
we're at.
CLAIRE
Okay, Ted do you mind going first? I want a word with
Rosie.
ROSIE and CLAIRE walk to the opposite side of the
stage. Focus switches to CLAIRE and ROSIE.
ROSIE
Let me guess, I'm a bitch and I betrayed you and I'm
not fit to lick your shoes?
CLAIRE
Of course not. I understand. I know how keen you are to
get into work. It's no ones fault.
CLAIRE opens her arms for a hug.
ROSIE
I may have lost you your job and you want to hug me?
CLAIRE
And kiss you. On your mouth.
ROSIE
You're being sarcastic aren't you?
CLAIRE gives an affirmative hum.
Focus switches to STEVEN and TED.
STEVEN
Let's role play.
TED
Like dungeons and dragons?
STEVEN
A job interview role play.
TED releases a disappointed sigh.
STEVEN
I'm the interviewer, and you want a job from me (To
himself) but don't hold your breath. Okay, welcome to
the interview, first question (Checks his clipboard)
"Why do you think you're qualified for this job?"
TED
Well, during the Great North Run I learnt all about
pushing myself through the wall. Do you know what the
wall is?
STEVEN
Yes.
TED
(Ignoring STEVENs "yes")
It's the point in a race where you think you can't go
on any further, but guess what? You do.
STEVEN
Next question.
(Reading from his clipboard)
"Where do you want to be in five years time?"
TED
When I ran the Great North Run...
STEVEN
(Interrupting)
Next question.
(Reading from his clipboard. Sees the
question and thinks TED will cope well
with this question)
Oh. "Give a non work example of a time you achieved
something you're proud of"
TED is thinking about this one.
TED
(Contemplating)
Non work example. Something I'm proud of. No, can't
think of anything.
STEVEN
You've got to be kidding me!
FOCUS switches to ROSIE and CLAIRE.
CLAIRE
Do you have any idea what you've done?
ROSIE
This is your fault.
CLAIRE
All I ever wanted to do was build your confidence and
get your feet back on the ground.
ROSIE
What does that mean?
CLAIRE
You're twenty two, just left university and you swan
around thinking you're going to walk into an executive
role. Not going to happen, sweetheart. Everything I did
was to lower your expectations.
ROSIE
Everything? The board games?
CLAIRE
Yes.
ROSIE
The film?
CLAIRE
Yes.
ROSIE
The picnic?
CLAIRE
(Avoiding)
Let's not get bogged down with what was and what wasn't
for you.
ROSIE
None of them were for me!
CLAIRE
The film was to show you that you have to do what's
necessary to get by. Same goes for the board game, do
you think Professor Plum wanted to kill Dr. Black, he
was weeks away from tenure.
ROSIE
Those aren't real life examples.
CLAIRE
You want a real life example? Fine. Me. I wanted to be
a councilor but I couldn't get the funding to stay on
at university so I took this job and I'm saving up to
go back and train.
ROSIE seems to be coming around.
CLAIRE
I'm only trying to help. Think about it.
CLAIRE returns to STEVEN and TED. ROSIE is deep in
thought. Focus returns to STEVEN and TED. STEVEN
is infuriated.
STEVEN
It's all you talk about.
TED
Eastenders?
STEVEN
You've never mentioned EastEnders once, what you have
talked about is the Great North bloody run.
TED
I couldn't mention that in a interview.
STEVEN angrily throws his clipboard across the
stage. ROSIE rejoin the group. STEVEN stands in
front of the class, but doesn't know what to say.
He sheepishly retrieves his clipboard, flicking
through the pages.
STEVEN
Next is...
STEVEN finds the correct page.
STEVEN
Lunch.
scene 4
CLASSROOM. STEVEN is stood at the desk. CLAIRE and
TED enter, ROSIE follows.
STEVEN
(Reading his clipboard)
"Hope you all had.." I'm not saying that.
TED
If you don't Rosie might grass you up.
STEVEN
"Hope you all had a pleasant lunch"
STEVEN shakes as if what he just did was
disgusting.
STEVEN
Since we don't have access to the workbooks, although
we do have a lot of homemade paper hats.
TED remembers this and tries to reminisce with
CLAIRE, but she signals for him to leave it.
STEVEN
I'll have to go off book and do things a little
different. May I have a volunteer?
ROSIE walks over to STEVEN.
STEVEN
Could a volunteer raise their hand?
ROSIE
But I'm here now.
STEVEN
Could a volunteer raise their hand?
ROSIE, unsure, raises her hand.
STEVEN
Thank you, Rosie. We're going to find out why you're
unemployed.
CLAIRE
(To herself)
Not this.
STEVEN
Have you got something to add, Claire?
CLAIRE
(Reluctantly)
No.
STEVEN
Good. (To ROSIE) Why are you unemployed?
ROSIE
Good question, Steven, it's the economy. Labour left
the poor Tories a lot of problems to deal with and..
STEVEN
No.
ROSIE
Oh. Well the Lib Dems aren't..
STEVEN
No.
ROSIE
(Clutching at straws)
NASA?
STEVEN
The reason you're unemployed is because you don't
deserve a job.
ROSIE
I don't deserve a job?
STEVEN
No, you - in fact everyone in this room - stinks of
failure. (To ROSIE) You blame that hippie for your
failures, but they're your failures. You're a failure.
You need to see that. Only then can you move on. You're
a failure. Say it with me, failure. Failure. Fail...
CLAIRE
(Interrupting)
Enough. What I do is wrong? No, this is wrong. I try to
help them, to give them the confidence to change. You
just want to punish them for having the audacity to not
have a job.
STEVEN
Hold on a minute.
CLAIRE
You hold on a minute.
CLAIRE storms over to STEVEN.
CLAIRE
These people need support, not humiliation. Yes, Rosie
is annoying and yes she's a know it all but...
TED
(Interrupting)
She's a bit gobby too.
ROSIE
I am here.
CLAIRE
Annoying, know it all, a bit gobby, but...
TED
And she doesn't respect peoples athletic achievements.
ROSIE
I'm going to kill myself in a minute.
CLAIRE
Whatever she may or may not be we're supposed to help
her.
STEVEN
You can't talk to me like that, I'm the boss
CLAIRE
You're not the boss, you're my boss. There's plenty of
people above you and I'm pretty sure they will not like
how you treat...everyone. So unless you want me to pull
a Rosie, I suggest you fly.
CLAIRE shoves STEVEN back towards the exit.
CLAIRE
Fly.
CLAIRE shoves STEVEN back towards the exit.
CLAIRE
Fly away.
CLAIRE shoves STEVEN off stage.
CLAIRE
I think that's all the excitement I can handle. Let's
call it a day, shall we?
TED shadow boxes CLAIRE, implying she's a fighter.
TED
See you in the morning.
CLAIRE
(To TED)
Bright and early.
TED exits.
ROSIE
I should...
CLAIRE
(To ROSIE)
See you in the morning.
ROSIE lingers.
CLAIRE
You okay?
ROSIE walks to the desk and picks up a balloon and
pin.
ROSIE
A bit of a snobby ungrateful cow.
She pops the balloon.
ROSIE
See you in the morning.
CLAIRE
Tomorrow is hot chocolate day.
ROSIE
For gods sake!
ROSIE exits.
END