Super Friends

The last sketch a posted garnered such an overwhelming response I just had to go for another...

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Shying from the revelry of the party in the room next door, a smattering of people hang out and chat. JAKE, a jack-the-lad ambles up to TERRY, a gentle giant. Jake has SARAH, a pretty girl, on tow.

JAKE
Terry!

TERRY
(sighing) Hi, Jake.

JAKE
This is Sarah, the girl I was telling you about.

TERRY
Hi there.

They shake hands.

SARAH
Hello.

JAKE
Show her that thing you do, Terry.

TERRY
I don’t think so.

JAKE
Go on!

TERRY
Not tonight, eh?

JAKE
Come on, just do it.

TERRY
I was just about to go and mingle, mate.

JAKE
Show her the trick first.

Terry looks put out.

JAKE (to the Sarah)
He can make things explode. Just with his mind.

TERRY
He’s joking.

JAKE
Bollocks I am.

TERRY
He gets like this when he’s had a few.

JAKE
Just show her, will you? Here, do it with this potato.

SARAH
What is it, like a magic trick?

TERRY
Don’t listen to him, he’s playing up is all.

JAKE
I only want you to show her the thing.

TERRY
Can I get you some punch, Sarah?

JAKE
Don’t change the subject, do it!

SARAH
Yeah, show me!

JAKE
Show her!

TERRY
I DON’T WANT TO!

Sarah's head EXPLODES, showering them both in gore. Revellers SCREAM and flee. The boys look at each other, dumbstruck. Jake looks as though he’s about to up-chuck.

TERRY
(picking bits of brain out of his hair)
You know, it’s called a secret identity for a reason.

Very good!

Very good, very Big Train!

Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment. Looking at it now though, I might lose the last line.

But the last line explains how he can make things explode... it's funnier! But try it without and see the reponse!

Thanks. I guess my worry is that people might read it as though Terry blew the girl's head up deliberately, which isn't what I was getting at.

The "I DON'T WANT TO" line covers that! You shouldn't worry... please don't explode MY head!

Yes it is very good indeedy.
If it was possible I would stick it up my jumper & steal it.
Well done...... *Whispers bastard under her breath*

I was expecting TERRY - "even I admit that was pretty cool!"

either way made me LOL

Thanks for the kind words and suggestions, folks.

I think I'm going to go with. "And that's why they call it a secret identity" as a punchline.

You have to. That's what makes it work.

I thought it would have been better to have Jake's head explode. Then Terry could saunter off with Sarah.

I thought Terry would say something along the lines of "Ta da". The secret identity line doesn't do it for me, but as I’m in the minority on that one, I’d leave it well alone, if I were you.

Earman, I liked it. The ending I liked also but the superhero last line might just be too subtle for some. Still a very funny piece of writing.

Quote: David Bussell @ September 12, 2007, 5:17 PM

Thanks for the kind words and suggestions, folks.

I think I'm going to go with. "And that's why they call it a secret identity" as a punchline.

View original

Stick with the original, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Good sketch.