Decided to completely destroy a modern phenomenon among pre-pubescent school kids: getting extremely emotional in so-called "relationships" at the age of 12. Always annoyed me.
http://romeothepaphian.wordpress.com/2014/07/04/i-love-you-dear-part-i/
New poem: 'I Love You, Dear (Part I)'
And they call it puppy love!
As a comedy poem, I think that's better - gets what it wants to do out of the way quickly, and hits us with a logical but fair punchline. Your rhythm is better here too, although there are a couple of oddities - "Embraced in a cold breeze" especially doesn't scan.
I liked that, I am partial to funny poems and it rolled well.
Quote: gappy @ 4th July 2014, 8:42 PM BSTAs a comedy poem, I think that's better - gets what it wants to do out of the way quickly, and hits us with a logical but fair punchline. Your rhythm is better here too, although there are a couple of oddities - "Embraced in a cold breeze" especially doesn't scan.
Cheers... that was the only line I thought was a bit off after reading it again
Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ 4th July 2014, 9:04 PM BSTI liked that, I am partial to funny poems and it rolled well.
Cheers