Ghost Story

Hello sirs and serfs. Your opinions on this, please.

A CAMPFIRE CRACKLES. CRICKETS CHIRRUP.

LITTLE BOY:Tell me a ghost story, dad.

DADkay, son, but you have to promise you won’t have nightmares.

LITTLE BOY: I promise.

DAD:Alright then. Hand me the torch.

LITTLE BOY:Here.

DAD: And my super scary book too.

LITTLE BOY:This is going to be great.

DADBEGINS TO READ IN SPOOKY VOICE) Shafts of muted light pierce the dense atmosphere. An eerie netherworld envelops us. Strange ghostly forms appear…

FADE OUT.

FADE IN AGAIN, PICKING UP AT END OF STORY.

DADSTILL IN SPOOKY VOICE) …production secretary, Laura Tateishi; first assistant editor, John Watson and assistant to Bruce Joel Rubin, Judy Whelchel. Oooooooooh!

DAD CLOSES BOOK.

LITTLE BOYad, was that really a ghost story?

DADf course it was, son.

LITTLE BOY:Was is it not actually the screenplay from the Patrick Swayze/Demi Moore movie, Ghost, complete with credits?

DAD:Well... yes.

LITTLE BOY:I hate you, dad.

Hahaha! I like that! Awesome!

Yeah, brilliant. I especially liked the end.

Reminds me of another good "Ghost" sketch from Family Guy, the famous pottery scene is going in, when Peter kicks the door down, dressed as a ghostbuster. He captures Swayzee then says "That'll be £120".

Very nice, David. Liked it a lot.

yep, liked that one. Adding the credits was very good.

Thanks, guys.

I always wondered, if a Ghostbuster got killed and turned into a ghost, would one of his friends have to bust him?

I enjoyed that too, like most of your stuff generally!

Feel a bit slimey writing that.

...Er... and you're a bastard.
Panic over.

I like that, especially the credits gag but I'd drop the boy's last line, it doesn't need it IMO.. but just a detail..

You reckon? I liked the last line. Bit of a pause maybe, maybe a reaction from the son, then that to finish it off. Just works to my mind - classic post-punchline icing on the cake.

Very spooky, especially the mind reading child, who could promise not to have nightmares before he had heard the story, , but the snooze break half way through was a stroke of genius and very useful. thank you.

Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ January 10, 2008, 4:51 PM

Very spooky, especially the mind reading child, who could promise not to have nightmares before he had heard the story, , but the snooze break half way through was a stroke of genius and very useful. thank you.

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What the hell is wrong with you? I don't want to have a go or anything, but thats not an opinion, thats just you trying to take the piss out of something thats actually not bad.

I have just posted 'I Don't Believe in Ghosts' Please be my guest.

I'm with Charisma re: couldn't make sense of Jerf's comments.

Jerf, you posted a thread on how to crit properly then don't follow your own advice. If you want to comment then please give your reasons for liking or disliking in a less cryptic manner.

SlagA The post is poor because of the point I made. The child cannot promise to not have nightmares about a story he had not yet heard.

If you couldn't make sense of my comment, then how dare you castigate me, are you telling me that my remarks are more offensive than the pornography on the site that passes uncommented on. Ps. The 'Crit' advice that I posted was a spoof, as was this particular critique.

Just a little hard to tell sometimes Jerf that's all...