Quote: sootyj @ 22nd June 2014, 9:58 PM BSTyou seem to be running at the jokes rather than letting them develop more naturally
I'm going to have to mull that one over, but I think I get what you're saying, and I think it might be justified. Cheers, Sooty.
They are very good jokes though.
Crowmarsh and Milly are beautifully formed characters who leapt off the page, and the first half of the script fizzed along. The segment in the videoshop, in particular the scene in the back, did not work so well for me. As Shandonbelle says the tone changes rather jarringly.
But even so, still more laughs than most broadcast sitcoms.
I'm about 9 pages in and the only reason I havent finished it is that I'm in work and keep getting interrupted.
I'm really enjoying it so far and as the others have said the characters are very well formed with distinct voices.
For some reason when Milly called him 'Crowsnest' it made me laugh out loud. There were lots of lovely funny lines but that's the one that made me lol.
Looking forward to reading the rest later as it is one of the best scripts I've read in some time.
Lovely stuff.
So, the plot arrives around page 10. There is really not much evidence of things to lose and much of the writing is really banter between the two key characters. All rather basic no-nos if you read any book on sitcom writing I'm afraid.
Which is why many books on sitcom writing are often not worth the paper they're written on. This is lovely; remembering Lazzard's recent post about character this should be just what commissioners are looking for. The characters are interesting, well formed and have a great dynamic. Excellent use of language throughout to both illuminate character and amuse.
The fact that little happens initially is totally irrelevant as we are happy to spend time in their company. In fact, as mentioned by a couple of others I think the later bits are somewhat weaker than the earlier ones - it sort of feels like you felt you needed something to happen rather than it happening organically. But that is really picking nits. Really good stuff - and the fact that no-one has read you the rule book over this shows how good it is.
This must have a home somewhere, I'd watch it.
I am really rather chuffed at your responses here - not exactly because you've generally liked it, but because so many of you have read some, and a few of you the whole thing. I know that, despite my best intentions, I don't get round to reading and responding to as much as I mean to on here, so it's truly appreciated.
The only downside is that I stil prefer the second part of the show, in contrast to you guys, and imagined the rest of the episodes being more similar to this - might have to have a ponder one whether it's too wacky to house these characters.
The other question is, what on earth do we do with it? I mean, there's only one organisation in the entire world who would make a radio sit com about a book collector, isn't there? I sent it to Writers' Room a couple of years ago, just because it seemed the only option, and got the generic "we got bored after 10 pages" response - are there realistically any agents who would want to try to push such an idiosyncratic project to what boils down to a market of one? I really know nothing about the industry 
I quite like the suggestion of turning it into a stage play...although, again, I don't have a clue what I'd do then.
I think your problem is that it doesn't really fit the generic formula that standard texts and received wisdom insist upon. That means that inexperienced readers (as I suspect most readers at stage 1 of writers room are) can't fit it on their checklist.
Agents might go for it depending on a) whether they bother to read it and b) who reads it. But it's probably a long-shot if you don't have a name.
Your best bet is to find some talent and put together a couple of example eps. Once people can hear it they are likely to find it more convincing.
There are some comps like sitcom trials and Sitcommission which offer the facility to get it read and success in those might help to persuade agents to read or offer an opportunity to record.
That's my thoughts, sure others have more useful stuff to say.
Cheers Ponderer. We considered recording a few episodes, or even doing some live (audio only) but couldn't find anyone with sufficient performance chops to really carry it - I think with something this wordy, the delivery has to be spot on.
And, anyway, who woudl ever listen to a 30 minute narative online by someone who's never done anything before? I think the solution would be to hack this down into a series of 4 minute micro-shows, because then people might take a punt on listening.
Sorry, I obviously wasn't clear; I was suggesting making it as a calling card rather than for online distribution. I think it has more chance of, firstly, being heard as it takes less effort than reading and secondly getting across your vision as less interpretation is required.
It might work as an online series in 10 minute chunks though.
I may well be wrong in my assumptions but it would seem a shame if this doesn't get a fair shot as I think it's very good indeed.
I agree about the calibre of acting though, I write pretty wordy stuff myself and really good actors make it sing while poor ones (or under-rehearsed ones) kill it.
Got you, thanks. I'll have a think about that, I think you talk a lot of sense - however, I really like writing, but the idea of orchestrating a recording and trying to cast and direct people and ensure recording quality and all that fills me with a sort of dread.
That stalled me for while too with the podcast, it was a lot of fun doing it when we got round to recording though; hearing your stuff come alive is great.
Local am drams or students in drama are a good source of talent but it's not fun setting it up I'll admit.
It is a bit depressing that the Writersroom reader could not see the potential in this.
Quote: Tursiops @ 28th June 2014, 3:32 PM BSTIt is a bit depressing that the Writersroom reader could not see the potential in this.
Well, this was before the era of genre-specific windows: if you had spent all day reading dense scripts about child-murder dramas, you might not be the most receptive to this kind of stuff, I'd imagine.
but, yeah, essentially, they know nothing, and cannot recognise my genius. 
If anyone want so tread the other episode, I could put it up. No truoble if not, but some of you seemed to enjoy this, so if you wanted to see episode 4, just let me know - it's just sitting on a datastick right now, doing nowt. 
Really enjoyed what I read. Characters are so well-formed. Think the audio format lends itself well to the style with the absurdities. Think it also allows for the long sections of banter where the plot isn't moving at pace. Oh, and it's funny.
It certainly reads well anyway - in some ways a bit like Terry Pratchett.
Lector makes my head hurt though.
Quote: gappy @ 9th July 2014, 3:51 PM BSTIf anyone want so tread the other episode, I could put it up. No truoble if not, but some of you seemed to enjoy this, so if you wanted to see episode 4, just let me know - it's just sitting on a datastick right now, doing nowt.
Yeah, I would be interested to see where you went with it