Joke vs Funny Story in a Routine Page 3

If you were telling that story in a pub FHH as is. People would walk away and if you did something similar again they would not talk to you. A stand up audience is less kind. Rambling is okay if the rambling is part of the joke... If it isn't it's just rambling . There are park benches and people in Glasgow with bottles of Buckfast who may appreciate it mind. Comedy is subjective like beauty after all.

One thing should build logically to the next even in a mad universe. If premature ejaculation is your punch line it should be seeded in the opening.

I think it's quite a nice story, but it's really really hard to write stuff like this, and do it live (err, I'd imagine). I've just been listening to David Sedaris on iPlayer, and if you can do it like him, it may work, the opening 2 lines really lend themselves to funny elaborations; if you're planning on doing it in a standard stand-up environment, you might want to play safe by putting normal jokes in or shaping it like a more traditional routine, as Marc says.

Quote: Marc P @ 27th August 2014, 1:48 PM BST

One thing should build logically to the next even in a mad universe. If premature ejaculation is your punch line it should be seeded in the opening.

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No disrespect man, but couple of points One: What are you talking about deadlines for? I started doing this in October, I'm no where near getting paid for any of this.

Aside from that, I lost one job and started another, so it stands to reason that I'm a little rusty. And I also remind you that I have got laughs for jokes that some of you guys flat out said didn't work for you. Case in point, the Philanthropist one liner that I used in my first set back in November. I can't always predict when someone is or is not going to laugh, but more often than not I'm going to fine tune the joke until I'm satisfied with it and try it out a few times either way before I decide it's not going to work. So I appreciate your advice, but I am taking it with a grain of salt as always.

And secondly: This is the second time you've brought some kind of unprovoked sexual commentary into this thread, so I'm wondering if you're barred from playgrounds where you live.

MarcP is the playground where he lives.
Never ask to see his monkey bar.

Jokes on stage and on paper aren't the same, neither is comedy predictable.

Quote: sootyj @ 27th August 2014, 11:03 PM BST

Jokes on stage and on paper aren't the same, neither is comedy predictable.

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I knew you were going to say that and it really made me laugh!

Quote: NateSean @ 27th August 2014, 10:57 PM BST

No disrespect man, but couple of points One: What are you talking about deadlines for? I started doing this in October, I'm no where near getting paid for any of this.

Aside from that, I lost one job and started another, so it stands to reason that I'm a little rusty. And I also remind you that I have got laughs for jokes that some of you guys flat out said didn't work for you. Case in point, the Philanthropist one liner that I used in my first set back in November. I can't always predict when someone is or is not going to laugh, but more often than not I'm going to fine tune the joke until I'm satisfied with it and try it out a few times either way before I decide it's not going to work. So I appreciate your advice, but I am taking it with a grain of salt as always.

And secondly: This is the second time you've brought some kind of unprovoked sexual commentary into this thread, so I'm wondering if you're barred from playgrounds where you live.

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Firstly I am saying if you are struggling a bit on a bit of a routine set your own deadlines for yourself. Otherwise you are holding yourself up. All artists want to continually tinker so set yourself a deadline on projects - creative endeavour 101

Secondly what on earth are you on about? I didn't bring premature ejaculation into this that was in the re-edit suggestion. I said if that is to be the punch line seed it in the beginning of the routine. It's the call back, the big pay off. If you are to have a gun in the third act it must be shown in the first act as one of the great playwrights said. And when was the other time??
Thirdly what the hell do you mean by saying I molest children.???,

Quote: Marc P @ 27th August 2014, 1:48 PM BST

If you were telling that story in a pub FHH as is. People would walk away and if you did something similar again they would not talk to you. A stand up audience is less kind. Rambling is okay if the rambling is part of the joke... If it isn't it's just rambling . There are park benches and people in Glasgow with bottles of Buckfast who may appreciate it mind. Comedy is subjective like beauty after all.

One thing should build logically to the next even in a mad universe. If premature ejaculation is your punch line it should be seeded in the opening.

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I didn't reply yesterday because I only had my own opinion to repudiate your misguided advice with, however, Because I'm like a dog with a bone, and I don't agree with a word marc p said, I used this story down the pub last night with 5 mates and about 10 other people listening (sorry to have stole your material NateSean but I had a point to prove! and I doubt anyone will be at your events that were there last night!)
Now, I'm not saying this was the greatest story ever told, but it worked, no one cried or run away, there was a lot of laughing and the ending worked brilliantly!
I realise Marc P might live in a different world to me, but these were not people on park benches in Glasgow, just normal people who laugh when something is funny!
Now I don't want to get involved I a massive argument about the merits of rambling or the need for premature ejaculation to be included in the opener but Marc P, this time you are clearly Wrong! and as for the final line, well it works because the story is all about people who clearly have no boundaries when it comes to talking to strangers and how uncomfortable that can be and ends with a stranger talking to you about one of the most embarrassing and personal subjects, something normal people would find difficult to discuss with their closest friend or even their doctor! so it is connected, and it clearly works, now Natesean if you can go out there and try it out as well please, and let's shut Mark P up once and for all!

Ah I understand it all now. Well done for bench testing it with your brilliant new ending. I guess I had better eat your pudding . Far be from me to give advice again on this one!

And if it gives you guys any satisfaction to know I have just rubbed red chilli in my eyes and have been in agony since. Apologies for Glagow crack too, plus it is a fine city.

Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ 28th August 2014, 12:52 PM BST

so it is connected, and it clearly works, now Natesean if you can go out there and try it out as well please, and let's shut Mark P up once and for all!

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No appreciate you taking the test drive for me. Thanks again.

Quote: NateSean @ 28th August 2014, 10:16 PM BST

No appreciate you taking the test drive for me. Thanks again.

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You have been very kind about me steeling your joke, so thank you, but I hope you will use it, two people come over to me tonight and told me how funny it was! (I naturally explained that it wasn't my story and I stole it from you!) Oh, no, maybe I just took the praise and went with it, dam! but honestly, its memorable, I hope you will use it!
or, give me some more gems I can steel ! lol, (please? my stuff rubbish!)

Don't put yourself down fhhns you clearly have the gift of the comedy raconteur. This story goes to show what a great place this can be for people at the same level who at the very least can offer support and encouragement if not just simple advice. I am sure your stuff isn't rubbish why not put some here for Natesean, and others of course, to return the favour. He could maybe bench test some of your material in Grenwich Village? If he wanted to obviously. Great to see if the comedy inspiration worked well both ways across the Atlantic. Who knows you might end up writing a sitcom together! Other partnerships have formed here to great success. I almost worked once with somebody from here once but it didn't work out for various reasons. She has done some great stuff since very successfully.

Natesean is the words of an immortal 80s pop star, live your life be free.

Stop fiddling with one tiny piece and just write 700 funny words.

That's about the length of a 5 minute routine.

Imagine you're going to a vicious biker bar for a beer and to play the Pina Colada song on the Juke Box.

You've 5 minutes to entertain them or your corpse will never be found. So don't tell a bunch of one liners, or a mildly amusing story from your life. Tell a story, tell a funny one just write it.
Maybe make a few notes in advance, but otherwise just write it.

Talking about peer sharing here is a useful site that someone has just kindly posted in the forum.

http://shareyourstandup.tumblr.com/

How I'd tell that story:

You know in situations when you have something ready to say? A fully formed thought just ready to be spoken. It could be something witty you've rehearsed or maybe you're just at the front of the queue about to order a hot dog.

I have about four I rotate just for my parents. I have nine for my cats. One is: 'Hey pushy wushi whoosh puss puss, miss me?'

Little catch phrases and short cuts that help you navigate your way through life in certainty.

When things got awkward between Cowboys and Indians, they could still pass each other on the desert plains. (holding up hand) 'HOW!'

Even intimacy between family members in the Mob is restricted to: 'Waddayado?!' 'fuhgeddaboudit.'

Everyone, in every level of society accepts these meaningless exchanges as absolute, the sum total of your commitment on any particular subject. Your final say...

Except night clerks.

You go into a 7/11 after one a.m., the ones where one guy runs the whole store, and order a hotdog, you'll see.

In the day shift your next words are guaranteed to be ketchup or mustard.

At one a.m. how are you going to say Mustard to a night clerk who has just complained of chest pains. You give him medical advice, look at his scars, talk about how your uncle died young because he didn't get check ups.

How are you going to look a night clerk in the eye, someone who's driven a tank in the old country, and say ketchup and onions when he's telling you about his Part Time Degree.

I had a night clerk look me square in the face after I ordered a hot dog and asked if I could show him CPR, he came out and laid down on the floor.

How are you going to say: 'and a diet coke,' to a nervous grandfather with an upcoming audition for a crime scene re-enactment video. You check his air ways, you feel for a pulse.