Joke vs Funny Story in a Routine

First, here's the story.

On the way home from work, I stopped at a 7/11 at around one in the morning for a hot dog. I was the only customer in the store and the clerk was the only employee on at the time. Out of nowhere he asks me if he should see a doctor about his chest pains. I'm thinking, oh crap, he might be having a heart attack, so I tell him yeah, he should probably call an ambulance if it's serious.

"Oh no, it's not serious. I've just been having chest pains. Could it be stress?"

So he just downgraded from emergency to asking for medical advice from random customers. I literally replied to him,

"Sir, my experience as a cart jockey doesn't make me the most qualified person to help you right now, so yeah, you should probably make an appointment with your doctor."

Understand that I wasn't actively trying to be friendly, but I also didn't want to be rude to a guy who was running a 7/11 on his own, because if he's asking for medical advice from random people then I don't want to imagine how he'll blow it of proportion if my minute attempt at shutting him down escalates. And this is while I'm trying to get condiments on my hot dog, so again, trying to remain in the store for as long as possible to get this task accomplished is my only real goal. But the guy comes from behind the counter and proceeds to hover over me while asking me about every other store in the chain that I work at and why he hasn't been hired yet.

I don't know, because you made someone uncomfortable?

"Can you put in a good word for me with your manager?" He asked.

Sure. Hey, Steve, there's a guy I barely met who works the night shift at 7/11. He's great at making customers uncomfortable, do you want to give his application a glance?

Alright, so here's my question. I'm having a hard time tightening this to just a few jokes, because this actually did happen. And I'm not the only person in the world to have an uncomfortable experience with a cashier/clerk/waiter who seems to have no concept of boundaries. In theory, could I just tell the story, tightening it enough to keep it from going longer than it has to?

There are comics who occasionally relate genuine experiences, which just happen to be funny, or putting their own unique spin on the situation, get the appropriate amount of laughter. What's your experience with this?

I thought about opening this story with, "The guy was clearly not from US, but I don't want to imitate his accent because I don't want to get my ass kicked tonight."

Is there a causal link between really junk food and heart attacks?

Probably. I wouldn't be surprised if the guy's diet consisted of that stuff.

As is the hot dog thing was a moment of weakness on my part.

It wasn't a general dietary question

On the way home from work, I stopped at a 7/11 at around one in the morning for a hot dog. I was the only customer in the store and the clerk was the only employee on at the time. Out of nowhere he asks me if he should see a doctor about his chest pains.

And I thought sure, but could you live long enough to get me my hotdog.

so I tell him yeah, he should probably call an ambulance if it's serious.

I was being a good samaritan, well that and when the paramedics start doing cpr I can swip a free hot dog and maybe some jerky. What a jerk

"Oh no, it's not serious. I've just been having chest pains. Could it be stress?"

There goes my free hot dog, but at least he gets to live.

So he just downgraded from emergency to asking for medical advice from random customers, boy am I glad he wasn't worried about his prostate. I literally replied to him,

"Sir, my experience as a cart jockey doesn't make me the most qualified person to help you right now, so yeah, you should probably make an appointment with your doctor, now if your enquiry was about multiple cart pushing......"

Understand that I wasn't actively trying to be friendly, but I also didn't want to be rude to a guy who was running a 7/11 on his own, because if he's asking for medical advice from random people then I don't want to imagine how he'll blow it of proportion if my minute attempt at shutting him down escalates. And this is while I'm trying to get condiments on my hot dog, so again, trying Is this why people end up shooting 7-11 cashiers? Not to steal $50 and some smokes, but to avoid awkward chit chat. I just wanted a hot dog and now I want a saturday night special and a terminal shoot out with the cops. But the guy comes from behind the counter and proceeds to hover over me while asking me about every other store in the chain that I work at and why he hasn't been hired yet. Is this guy actually stalking a chain of grocery stores? Does he try and phone up the cereal aisle and leave obsene messages? Probably violent ones, does he actually deserve to die?

I don't know, because you made someone uncomfortable?

"Can you put in a good word for me with your manager?" He asked.

Sure. Hey, Steve, there's a guy I barely met who works the night shift at 7/11. He's great at making customers uncomfortable, do you want to give his application a glance? Maybe make him a greater, he loves talking to customers.

And then he looks at me and says with this funnily little smile
"you know what I've always wanted to be."

"no"

"what don't 7-11s have?"

"I don't know"
A policy against hiring the mentally unstable? I think.

"Shopping carts"

"Oh yeh I never noticed."

"I want to be a cart jockey I want to be you"
Where's his possibly terminal chest pains when I really need them>

Sooty: I knew I could count on you.

glad to help, but if you see all it is about setting up an unreliable narrative and contradicting yourself

Generally I get that. For me the hardest part of the writing process is trying to translate the actual event into the stage format, as it were.

So it could take me weeks to write the joke and then I also have this voice in the back of my head saying, "You're taking too long, the event is fresh in your head. Tell the damn joke or it's gone!" But I'll keep at this one, because I'm sure something similar will happen again and I'll have even more to work with.

write it straight then subvert it, so you've got half the job done already.

One bit of advice I find myself giving a lot is, your life is never ever funny enough to take on stage and tell people about. You need to exagerate it or at least jokify it.

I went into a seven eleven late last night for a chilli dog.... As you do. The guy serving me told me he thought he was having a heart attack... Which is like going into a whore house and the lady of your choice happily telling you that she has a venereal disease. Kind of puts you off your stroke.

Not that I have ever been to whorehouse - I've been married for three years so clearly sex isn't important to me. I'm far from impotent mind you. I can be having an intimate moment with the National Geographic in the rest room when... Bam! Three ladies up the street get pregnant. If there was an Olympic event for sperm I am here to tell you that I would be taking all three places on the podium and the entire Russian women's weight lifting team would be out action nine months later. ..

Quote: Marc P @ 20th June 2014, 2:31 PM BST

I went into a seven eleven late last night for a chilli dog.... As you do. The guy serving me told me he thought he was having a heart attack... Which is like going into a whore house and the lady of your choice happily telling you that she has a venereal disease. Kind of puts you off your stroke.

Not that I have ever been to whorehouse - I've been married for three years so clearly sex isn't important to me. I'm far from impotent mind you. I can be having an intimate moment with the National Geographic in the rest room when... Bam! Three ladies up the street get pregnant. If there was an Olympic event for sperm I am here to tell you that I would be taking all three places on the podium and the entire Russian women's weight lifting team would be out action nine months later. ..

View original

I'm not sure I understand the second part Notorious.

A whorehouse is were you pay ladies to get your hotdog relished.

Nope I meant bringing a reference to a routine by someone who was a wind up merchant, to Nate's whos been nothing but a good sport and appreciative of critique.

You've lost me now Nates first routine was about being married not getting a lot of sex but was very virile. I was just sketching a kind of segue for the material.

Sorry jumbling up Nates and Shaun's material! Oops.

No problem just don't mixup the sherry bottle and the shotgun again.