Am I as funny as I thought?! Page 2

I have been online looking at naked female statuary for a friends garden this is true. Off to sleep now but to help explain further here is a deconstruction, kind of, of your material

'I'm a normal bloke I don't rape women... Unless ..you know... they are really fit. Or they are black because they are genetically predisposed to enjoy it.'

You might say the twist in the first part is the old woman being raped. Ask yourself the question is it funny because it does happen, because it doesn't happen or because it isn't normal.

Do it yourself and see where the funny lies what they call the 'target' in comedy. Comedy is very hard work and right here is where you start paying - to paraphrase a fit, black woman!

I don't see how it is offensive? I work with many black people and they find black jokes funny to a extent of it not being completely racist even if it is aimed at a particular kind of person if they are out to watch comedy they should not find it offensive if they do there sort of in the wrong place? I do agree a ordinance would be worse and that's why I joined the forum to talk about my work get some tips from other people to make my work better. Anything can be made funny it's just how you do it. Also not every person enjoys every comics work I would like to hear from someone half successful and that can help

Talking to someone on the computer can be abit like sex when having a conversation with someone try to enjoy it but make them enjoy it too if your just going to be a twat and other people are not going to enjoy it do yourself a favour and just have a wank just so if I'm not satisfied at least you will be

Well I tried. A wank it is for me then. Knock em dead I'll just knock one out.

Wasn't so much for you Marc actually found part of what you said useful was for the other bell end that moved my post in the first place

He'd be a moderator so can ban you Cheers by the way but am still looking at naked female statuary so it seems a shame to waste an erection in the garden!

Quote: Olliet @ 18th June 2014, 12:55 AM BST

Wasn't so much for you Marc actually found part of what you said useful was for the other bell end that moved my post in the first place

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I moved your thread to a forum where it will get more exposure/feedback/replies/views.

You're welcome.

Thankyou I can't keep up with all the comments from different people so far hence you new I was talking about you! I couldn't of done it without you

"I will even cross the road if I think someone looks like they want to hurt me e.g anyone bigger then me or just being black would be enough."

Where do you think the laughs coe from here? Do you think people will laugh out of recognistion - "Hey, I'm wary of difference, too, small world!" - or absurdity - "Hey, this guy's a racist pedestrian!" - because I can't work it out.

And then, once you've got that down, try to work out the structure, and what differentiates a joke from a sentence.

And then throw them away and write some good ones.

The black part is the funny bit it's enexpected and will shock the audience that makes it funny I look through a thread on here where everyone just put different jokes up I love comedy most comidians will have me in stitches but reading a joke on paper just isn't funny I read lots of then and they just wernt funny they had no structure a terrible punch line but the person writing it thinks it's a good joke I don't understand how mine is getting stick but there's arnt if you could all have a look at that and explain to me?

Ignoring the subject matter of these jokes for a moment, they are very badly written and structured.

Jokes should end with the "punch" i.e. the funny bit, where as your jokes just seem to meander to a conclusion.

Also, you need to write how you would speak, I can't for a moment think that you would actually say "e.g.", so say the joke out loud, how you would actually say it on stage and then write it down.

Lastly, you've written two jokes, if you are going to do a 5 minute spot you need to write lots, lots more, discard or tweak what doesn't work on stage and keep what does.

Olliet on a serious note after a nights reflection I can distill the advice given to you here re your original questions - even though it may not be palpable to you it's clearly what you want - presumably if you just want affirmation and back slapping then fat Barry down the pub apparently is the go to guy.

So in that spirit.

1. If you took this material on stage you WILL burn.
2. It is not possible to make this material better, the flaws are fundamental.
3. Work harder on something that is easier to pull off - and I don't mean George Michael in a Hampstead lavatory.

Ps. Yes there is a lof of shit material on here. It's not a good case for the defence.

Right, let's break down your first joke...

"The fear in the elderly people when you walk up to them in a street is a picture. They always worry about the youth of today mugging and I suppose rape? I would never mug or rape anyone... Unless it was a really good opportunity."

Firstly, this reads badly, no one would ever say these words, "unless is was a really good opportunity"? That sounds really clunky, certainly not something that a youngster would say.

It's also very generic, often comedy comes from specifics.

Here's my rewriting of it...

"Old people are always scared when they see a youngster in the street. I guess they're worried about getting mugged or raped, which is crazy. I mean, I'm a youngster and I would never mug or rape an old person... Unless they had an iPhone5... or they were really fit."

Still a bit of a hack "pull back and reveal" joke but much more naturally worded.

Thanks for your comments theses were two I came up with the other week after about 5 mins I wasn't expecting them to be amazing or to even use them in a act I was just wanted some more help on how to make them better and I finally have people saying there not funny is not a help the last comments have been helpful thankyou and I will post some better ones up soon to see what you all think

Here is just a couple please don't take it to heart if your old big or black or all if your really unfortunate.

That line speaks volumes about you. It might have been written tongue in cheek but is without doubt nasty and racist. (oh and ageist )

Try write different material. 'Shock' comedians have done it all before you and it's old hat. Your new career won't go very far with this type of subject matter.

Quote: Olliet @ 18th June 2014, 12:30 PM BST

Thanks for your comments theses were two I came up with the other week after about 5 mins I wasn't expecting them to be amazing or to even use them in a act I was just wanted some more help on how to make them better and I finally have people saying there not funny is not a help the last comments have been helpful thankyou and I will post some better ones up soon to see what you all think

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The best advice I was ever given as a performer is don't sing opera. Sounds to me like you want to join a comedy writing/stand up group. Do some basic research yourself and bring your best game to the table. You are jumping the first and small hurdle on what is a very very long metaphor