SCENE1
A MAN (ALBERT PILCHARD) SWINGS FROM THE CEILING BY A NOOSE TIED AROUND A CEILING FAN
HIS TROUSERS AROUND HIS KNECK
A MAN IN A BROWN ROBE WALKS THROUGH THE WALL (COLIN)
ALBERT
You're here I've been hanging around here for ages....
COLIN
Well you weren't going anywhere were you? You hanged yourself, were you hoping someone was going to drag your corpse off to see Godzilla 3D at the IMAX? Thought they'd give you a discount for being dead?
ALBERT
Well no, it's just boring and I was getting a bit nauseous and....
COLIN
You were planning on going somewhere, you were just having a danger wank? Oh you people disgust me.
ALBERT
I was not.
COLIN
Really your pants are down, there's a bottle of poppers on the floor, you've got your wife's panties on your head and your still doing it you filthy bastard.
ALBERT
I am not it's rigor mortis.
COLIN
Don't try that you onanist little ceiling monkey, because you're not dead.
ALBERT
If I'm not dead then who are you?
COLIN
I'm his assistant...diarrhea
ALBERT LETS OUT A MASSIVE WET FART
And I'm out of here!
ALBERT
Oh gawld and my wife's bringing the vicar around for tea!
GRAMS EMBARASSING SITCOM PIANO TINKLE
SCENE2
AN AMERICAN EXECUTION CHAMBER, A PRISONER IS HOOKED UP TO A IV
THE GOVERNOR IS ADRESSING THE AUDIENCE OF WITNESSES ONE OF WHOM IS DEATH
GOVERNOR
Those pinko Europeans can't stop us executing learning disabled, minorities who are probably innocent. We're just going to have to try stuff till we kill the godless son's a bitches.
A GUARD ATTACHES A BIG BOTTLE TO THE IV, THE LABEL ON IT READS Cod liver oil and Syrup of figs.
GUARD POPS IV TUBE IN PRISONERS MOUTH
DEATH PULL OUT HIS MOBILE AND CALLS
DEATH
Hi diarrhoea, diary mix up this is one of yours.
