EXT. STREET. NIGHT.
A WOMAN IN A COCKTAIL DRESS STANDS ON THE STREET EYEING UP AND DOWN THE ROAD. A TAXI PULLS UP IN FRONT OF HER, A BANNER DOWN THE SIDE ADVERTISES IT AS BACON TAXIS.
CABBY
Miss Primm?
WOMAN
Yes.
CABBY
You order a taxi?
WOMAN
Of course.
SHE TRIES TO OPEN THE DOOR, IT'S LOCKED.
CABBY
Hold on love, got to see the goods.
WOMAN
How dare you, I'm not that sort off woman. I'll report you, you know.
CABBY
Steady girl I'm talking about the pork based product.
HE INDICATES THE SIGN.
WOMAN
Don't be silly.
SHE TRIES THE HANDLE AGAIN.
CABBY (ANOYED)
Oi! Love I take my job very seriously as a member of the south-east premier pork product taxi service. You not got any Bacon? or Gammon?
WOMAN
Gammon's just Bacon talking itself it up, and no. I'm just looking for a Taxi, to get to my sisters cocktail party. I assumed Bacon was just the name of someone.
CABBY
I'm Henry Smith, the Despater is Gladys Tidings and the Owner is Sidney Green... where would we get Bacon from out of that.
WOMAN
I don't know; an anagram?
CABBY
No B love so that's out straight away. Just got the number for the yellow pages did ya? Take another look at the heading love.
HE PRODUCES A YELLOW PAGES, OPENED TO A PAGE WITH AN ADVERT FOR BACON TAXIS... UNDER THE HEADING TAXI(PORK GOODS)
WOMAN
Can't you just help me out.
CABBY
I would love to but I'm only licensed for pork based products.
INDICATES LICENSE WHICH HAS PORK ONLY STAMPED ACROSS IT.
CABBY
Sorry love, more than my jobs worth.
WOMAN
Let me have a look in the fridge I might have something... wait there....
CABBY
Sorry Darling I've got a joint of ham want's picking up in rochester.
HE DRIVES OFF.
INT. CAB. DAY.
DESPATCHER
You do that pickup okay Henry?
CABBY
Nah was a chancer not a pork product in site.
DESPATCHER
F**king Time wasters.
END
