Int. Gladys’ Bedroom – 17.00
Gladys, 80, is sat in bed in her dressing gown. There is a knock at the door and in walks Ian, 21, with a tray of food. He walks over to the bed.
Ian: Hello Grandma! Teas up.
Gladys: Oh thank you Ian, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to eat it. You know, because of the….
Ian: (Finishing for her) the illness?
Gladys: Yes dear. I’m afraid that my tablets aren’t doing much for me anymore.
Ian: (Sadly) Oh, ok. I see.
Ian puts the tray of food down on the floor next to the bed and sits down on the bed. He looks upset.
Gladys: (Reassuringly) Don’t worry, Ian. (Positively) Anyway, look! I’ve finally finished my autobiography.
Gladys reaches over to her bedside table and picks up a single piece of paper. She hands it to Ian. He begins to read it.
Ian: (Reading) The Life and Times of Gladys Troon. Was born in 1927. Married in 1948. The End. (Looks up) Well, it’s a little uneventful isn’t it.
Gladys: Well, I’ve led an uneventful life. I was going to put in the bit about the time I had a Betterware catalogue delivered by mistake, but……
Ian: But?
Gladys: Well dear, I think my audience would have found it a little racy. All the mentions of polyvinyls and….
Gladys suddenly starts to have a coughing fit and looks in great pain. Ian gets up off the bed in a state of some concern. Gladys starts howling in pain.
Ian: (Distressed) Oh God! Oh God! Its not fair. I can’t take much more of this. I’ve seen enough.
Ian advances towards Gladys with his hands outstretched ready to strangle Gladys. However, instead of strangling her he pulls off Gladys’ hair which is a wig. Blonde hair is revealed. He then pulls off her face which is a latex mask. The face of a young woman is revealed.
Ian: Elaine! I don’t want to role play anymore. You’re my wife!
Gladys: (Still with the elderly voice) No I’m not. I’m your Grandmother.
Ian: Drop that voice for christs sake!
Elaine: (In a youthful voice) Ok.
Ian: Good.
Elaine: (Sighs) I suppose I better get changed.
Elaine gets up, goes over to a wardrobe and starts routing through it.
Ian: One thing though.
Elaine: (Turning round) Whats that?
Ian: Keep the colostomy bag on.
Ian rubs his hands devilishly.
