Unlikely Bible Verses

Not my jokes but I'll share anyway.

It rained for 40 days and 40 nights and they called it a catastrophy.
In Sweden they call it summer.

And Jesus called to Peter "Come forth and have eternal life" but Peter came fifth and had to eat the biscuit.

Warning: This book may lead to centuries of misinterpretation, wars, corruption and many vicious, bloody, terrible deaths. But it's still better than Twilight.

And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the amazingly sharp Ronco knife set to slay his son. And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said, "But wait! There's more!"

And the lord said upon to Jesus "My son tell the world of the bacon sandwich"

Bad news for Dave the ox lover. Leviticus 18:23 I think.

"While shepherds watched their flocks by night, all watching ITV The angel of the Lord cam down and switched to BBC"

Moses saw the burning bush and said to his wife: OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!! MY SEX IS ON FIRE!!!

And Sampson said lord why have you given me all my strength in my hair, and the lord replied...because your worth it

Were these from Mock the Week? Do you have any original ones you'd like to share? Because if you ever check out the YouTube comments sections on the Scenes We'd Like to See clips, the most fun you can have is trying to add your own to the list. Here are a couple non Bible related examples of my own.

Next on the History Channel, How America Saved the F**k Out of Everyone.

Ipecac: Take with a meal.

Before we begin the tour, we're going to teach you a few simple phrases in the local dialect that will amuse the natives as you're being lowered into boiling water.

Sorry guys my brain temporarily left me. Can I get this thread moved?

I prefer Nate's there's a thread for posting jokes you found on the internet. Though the ipecac one seems a bit to straight forward.

Why did the cannibal single mum take ipecac.
She needed help bringing up her kids.

Sorry if offended the creationists, it took me six days to write that joke and on the seventh day I said, "This is good."

You should have said take a rest

look , if your gonna post other peoples religious jokes here then your gonna get crucified . nailed on . make people ..cross . - '' oh God ( or allah , buddah , david icke etc )what have I done ? '' you may be thinking - but don't worry , if you can't make the mountain go to mohammed , then take mohammed to the mountain so he can grow a beard , feed and make love to his goats and watch al-queda out-takes on his infidel made lap top . all this religious junk I wrote - does it get classed as holy shit ?